Random Ruminations (Wednesday Edition)

• Aren't parking lots dangerous enough already? People don't need any more distractions than they already have... And won't ads on escalator rails just draw attention to the fact that they are notoriously germ-laden? (Adrants)
• Will Michael Jackson become the new 50 Cent? And if he had to enroll at this place, would it be just like reliving the childhood he never had? (Perez Hilton)
• What are the 10 worst performances by a rapper in a movie?
• I thought music stars were supposed to collect underwear, not give it away... (Stereogum)
• Who knew that Al Roker was a super producer? (PopWatch)
• Maybe J.Lo could just call her new fragrance "baby shampoo", because that's what babies' heads usually smell like. I wish I could help Ashanti out with renaming her new fragrance, too, but I'm just not clever enough for that. (Adrants)
• Speaking of designers, Valentino often confuses today's Hollywood stars with homeless people.
• Mike Tyson has decided not to begin a career in porn. Maybe the prospect of memorizing so much complex dialogue made him shy away from it.
• Why won't Jodie Foster come out of the closet? (Corsair)
• Is it true that the only way we'd ever see a pic of K-Fed in the shower is if someone photoshopped the soap and water onto his body? (sorta NSFW). (Perez Hilton)

News and Nonsense (Wednesday Edition)

• If Gwyneth Paltrow had another baby, would she name it "Pi"? (Perez Hilton)
• It seems that Diana Ross and her family are either in need of a stint in driving school, or the services of a really good traffic lawyer. (Defamer)
• Tyra apparently needed someone who looked more tranny-ish that she sometimes does, so she picks an actual transexual to be a contestant on ANTM. (Perez Hilton)
• And speaking of "America's Next Top Model", here is a drinking game for it. (Perez Hilton)
• Pierce Brosnan states the obvious about the recent search for a new Bond.
• What's worth more? Colin Farrell's star power, or a Best-Actor Oscar? (Radar)
• Tommy Hilfiger fashions might be coming to a Walmart near you. What better place to purchase the designs of the poor man's Calvin Klein? (Jossip)
• Photoshop contest: "Reality Manga" (what would celebrities look like as manga characters)?

Sour Notes (Wednesday Edition)

• You'd think that "Forty Shades of Blue" would only be the colors in a typical outfit that Andre Benjamin would wear, but it's actually the title of his upcoming movie musical.
• Was I wrong about Mariah Carey or what? (CNN)
• Gene Simmons finally goes back to teaching school. (Guardian UK)
• I suspect that Lil' Kim can't really spell this well...
• Missy Elliott is recovering from surgery on her achilles tendon... ouch!
• Alannis Morrissette has become the poster child for recycling. (Billboard)
• Stream Fiona Apple's new album here. (Perez Hilton)
• We'll probably begin to see all sorts of formerly defunct girl groups coming out of the woodwork since Destiny's Child has called it quits. (STLPD)
• If Superhead ever made a biopic, wouldn't "T. Error" Mari's music be perfect for the soundtrack?
• Will the Fugees reunion be a soulless one? (VV)
• Tupac, Biggie, and Bob Marley are still taking work away from living music artists. Oh, that's right, Tupac never really died... (PopWatch)
• You just know that this was intended for some sort of extortion plot. (VH1)
• Snoop Dogg: pimp or patsy? (Davey D)

Something to add to the WTF file

(image via b3ta.com) So we had a situation that was distinctively different than the normal situation, which works pretty well for a normal natural disaster, or even a normal man-made disaster. And the president's point was that there are some things that are of sufficient magnitude that they require something to substitute for the overwhelmed first responders at the state and local level. And that is the issue that he's thinking about...

Questions, Questions (from the VH1 Hip Hop Honors 2005)

(image via VH1) Why must Ruthell Thimmonth always come out looking like Charlie Brown on Social Security? And why do they never provide uth with thubtitleth for whatever Ruthell thayth? How is it that LL Cool J looks better as he gets older? Would Nelly be hurt if someone told him that, shirtless, he looks like LL when he was 16? Why did Nia Long look so apprehensive? Does she prefer chamber music to Hip Hop? Or does she think she's at the Source Awards? Where was Cuba Gooding, Jr.? If they let Ray J attend the show, wouldn’t they let Cuba in, too? Why did Ciara look like Slash from Guns-n-Roses/Velvet Revolver with her new do? Why did LL have such a commanding stage presence when he finally came out that he put Nelly’s performance to shame? Why did LL keep grabbing his crotch? Did he have crabs or something? And is he allergic to Chapstick? Why does Ice T talk like he’s 50 years older than he actually is? Why does he always make it sound as if he’s lived 5 lifetimes? Did Ice T have a hard time remembering his lyrics? Hasn’t it been, like, a decade since he’s performed live? How did they get Snoop to look so animated? Did they make him promise not to get high until after the show? And why is Bishop Don Magic Juan everybody’s pet pimp? Doesn’t he have some hoes to manage? Or does he outsource, now? Why didn’t someone get Spike Lee some Vicodin for his bad knees? And did he know that he would always look like an awkward 13 year-old, even when he's going on 50? Did Grand Master Flash ever imagine that this DJ thing would last this long? Do the members of The Furious Five have trouble getting their grandkids to believe that they are Hip Hop pioneers? With all the money that Eve makes, wouldn’t you think she’d stop putting her own weave in? Doesn’t Queen Latifah look like she’ll whip your ass like Suge Knight if you give her shit? Was Dawn Robinson to En Vogue what Bobby Brown was to New Edition? Didn’t Pepa, with that orange weave, look like she could be Ciara’s mother? Why does Nia Long keep taking movie roles that Jada Pinkett turns down? And is she really dating 50 Cent now? Will we ever take Anthony Anderson seriously? Does Erykah Badu manage to turn every guy (e.g. Andre 3000 and Common) she dates into a dandy? Why was Kanye dressed like Carlton Banks after some bullies chased him out of the bathroom before he could finish his "business"? And why did they let him perform that shitty “Gold Digger” song (no pun intended)? Why was JD wearing Da Brat’s clothes? Was it because he couldn't fit into his own anymore, from eating too much pizza with Mariah Carey? Or were they his clothes all the time, and he just let Da Brat borrow them for the times that she had to actually get up from sleeping on his couch? Why did T.I. sound like he needed to practice in front of the mirror with a hairbrush just a few hours longer before attempting to perform a Big Daddy Kane classic? Was he the one who chased Kanye out of the bathroom before he could fix his clothes? What induced Common to start breakdancing in the middle of everything? Did he drink one too many Red Bulls before his performance? Why was Big Daddy Kane dressed like Bernie Mac with a maternity shirt? And did the dancer who had to lift him off the floor lose a game of rock-paper-scissors? How long are people going to allow Diddy to give Biggie these posthumous blow jobs? And how long is Faith Evans going to play along? Didn’t Volletta Wallace look like she wanted to spit on Diddy? Why did they make Biggie’s silhouetted profile look like a black Alfred Hitchcock? Who thought of having a choir singing a Notorious B.I.G. song? Wouldn’t it have been ironic if they’d have performed it in a church? And knowing that Li’l Cease can barely make it through a Junior Mafia song, who thought of letting him perform a Biggie classic? Who knew that Pete Rock was still DJing? Or did someone just happen to find the cardboard box that he was living in, so that they could ask him to perform for the show? And whatever happened to C.L. Smooth?

The Vestiges of Real Hip Hop

(image via tripleoakkennel.com) Tonight VH1 airs the second annual "Hip Hop Honors" show. This show promises, as the previous broadcast did, to entertain us with heartfelt tributes, historical montages, and good music. Many people complain that things are just not the same anymore. Hip Hop has changed so much from "back in the day", and the genre is rife with commercialism. How much further can this form of music go until people finally lose interest in it, and it becomes just another dated musical genre that people are embarrassed to admit that they once liked? Marc Lamont Hill outlines the reasons why "Hip Hop Sucks" in a two part piece in PopMatters. First, he focuses on a few reasons that Hip Hop has begun to disappoint many fans, like the lack of strong female MCs, manufactured rap wars, and the takeover of the "super producer": While hip-hop has always had its share of elite producers, the last 10 years have given birth to a new breed of "superproducers". Beginning with the ever-present P. Diddy (née Puff Daddy), this group of overexposed hit men has moved from behind the boards and into the videos and songs of their artists. Superproducers like the Neptunes (particularly Pharrell) and Kanye West have become so large and appear so frequently on the songs they produce that they almost always overshadow their artists. Furthermore, superproducers have created sounds so distinctive and, as of late, predictable that the hip-hop Top-40 sounds like one big remix album. For example, even Lil Jon' himself would have difficulty distinguishing between the beats for his 2004 mega-hits "Freek-a-leek" and "Yeah!" Another consequence of this sonic oligarchy has been the construction of barriers for many talented young producers to gain access to the big stage because of their lack of star power or failure to reproduce the sounds de jour. The only viable alternative for many is to serve as a ghostproducer for the giants of the day and patiently wait for a chance to get noticed. The only catch is that the role of ghostproducer requires them to constrain much of their own creativity in order to approximate the sounds of the superproducer. The rich get richer . . . In the second part of his series, Hill decides to list a few individuals who he feels have had a negative effect on the overall quality of Hip Hop: Given his recent courageous statements about the Bush Administration's response to the Hurricane Katrina tragedy, I am willing to give Kanye a pass for the arrogant, childish, and narcissistic characteristics that have turned him into hip-hop's first full-fledged diva. Nevertheless, every time that I listen to a track from Kanye West's two "classic" albums, I find myself wondering "Am I the only person on the planet that realizes that this guy can't rap?" While no one can doubt Kanye's genius behind the boards, or his ambition and creativity on the mic, his lyrical frailty becomes apparent whenever he shares a track with real MCs like Common, Talib Kweli, Jay-Z, Nas, or even Cam'ron. Of course, hip-hop has always had its share of compelling but sub-par MCs like Chuck D, Eazy E, and Guru, but none of them were billed as top-flight lyricists. On the contrary, Kanye has been positioned as a hip-hop heavyweight in spite of his average skills. More importantly, Kanye represents a disturbing trend in hip-hop lyricism. Complex rhyme schemes, clever allusions, and poetic flows are slowly falling to the wayside in favor of predictable punch lines, wack similes, and uninventive interpolations of earlier songs. At least part of the blame for this pattern goes to Jay-Z, who has often bragged that he never writes his lyrics down. This type of statement — which is the equivalent of Michael Jordan confessing to a young hoopster that he never really practiced over the summer — does an extraordinary disservice to the other 99.9% of the rappers who cannot create quality rhymes without the benefit of a pen. The recurring theme in this two part series (to be continued) is the matter of the lack of originality that seems to be pervading Hip Hop. Like Jazz, Hip Hop used to be lauded for it's spontaneous nature: original treatments of older music/riff, witty freestyle verbal flows, and constantly changing styles that kept listeners devoted to the art form. Now, Hip Hop just moves from one trend to the next; one artist/producer comes up with a new and innovative idea, or something different that catches on, and everyone else seems to be content to replicate it to ride on the coattails of that person's success. What happened to the originality? Hip Hop vernacular was littered with synonyms for "new": fresh, dope, def, etc. Now what do we have? We have plenty of new words, but what is it that they are describing? In an age where several artists can have a number one hit with the exact same beat, riff, or sample (or in some cases, just dubbing a new vocal over someone else's entire soundtrack), what will we see and hear next? Will Hip Hop ever recover from its current dearth of innovation? Or will we soon chuckle over rap songs like we do when we remember cheesy clothing fads?

Random Ruminations (Monday Edition)

• Some people just love to waste the opportunity for a complaint on bullshit. (BlaggBlogg)
• Keira Knightley doesn't mind doing nude scenes in her films; she doesn't speak for the rest of us, though.
• I know that the author of this Jodie Foster article really didn't intend on including such an overly obvious pun in the title. (MSNBC)
• Will Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale be the new Madonna and Guy Ritchie?
• San Francisco isn't the gay capital of the world--Beijing is. (Queerty)
• Jack Osbourne wouldn't have to worry about attention from anyone if he just gave all of his money away...
• Manscaping is best left to the professionals. (via Bookslut)
• How high is your sexual IQ? (SFBay Guardian)
• Kanye West will be on the season premiere of SNL. Of course, we know that SNL won't actually be "live" on that night. (Stereogum)
• Jude Law must really be asking himself, "Is all this worth it?", because that's what I keep wondering. (Corsair)
• "Pimping" has jumped the shark. (Guardian UK)
• Is using profanity a normal function of human language? (SFGate)

Sour Notes (Monday Edition)

• What do you get when you add The Yin Yang Twins + Viagra + a film crew? A puke-tastic porn flick? No. Your worst nightmare... maybe-- it's a movie called "Viagra Falls".
• R. Kelly exhales.
• Madonna is losing covers to Ashlee Simpson? How sad. Who would have ever thought that the half-talented would one day be upstaged by the untalented? (Adrants)
• I suppose the Russian public can't be blamed for what could be chalked up to a limited amount of available music to listen to.
• Damon Dash finally retires from his career of profiting from Jay-Z's hype.
• Speaking of career changes, Suge Knight is considering giving up abusing music artists to forge a career terrorizing college football players.
• Music videos can be more than bling, booty, and beats? I never would have guessed. (Guardian UK)
• Lil' Kim manages to bounce a few checks on her way to prison.
• Liz Phair admits to her tendency to sabotage personal relationships, but not to her habit for sabotaging her professional credibility. (NYDN)
• Usher beats Justin Timberlake for the chance to ruin a good movie. (Perez Hilton)

More Fun with Craigslist

(via Gawker) Looking for well connected businessmen to help with getting out katrina wristbands. This is VERY important as we look to reach our goal of getting 40 million Americans wearing them. Also will help Habitat for Humanity. Let us know how to contact you (phone number) and how many you can get out. WE REALLY WANT LARGE CORPORATE CONTACTS THAT CAN COME IN AS SPONSORS ETC. ALSO THIS IS NOT A SCAM SO IF YOU THINK IT IS DONT BOTHER TO EMAIL ME WE ARE ONLY INTERESTED IN PEOPLE SERIOUSLY INTERESTED IN HELPING US REACH THE GOAL. I also love giving bj's to businessmen but this is separate from the above. If you are only interested in the BJ please do not respond. Translation: Looking for well-connected, high profile businessmen to help advertise/sell/distribute Katrina wristbands. This is very important, as we have a high sales goal, and we are looking for someone important/powerful to help us reach our goal of selling to 40 million Americans. This fundraising drive will also benefit Habitat for Humanity. Let us know how to contact you (phone number is preferred for future blackmail purposes), and let us know how many wristbands you can move/sell. We really want high profile contacts from large businesses and powerful corporations to agree to sponsor our mission. THIS IS NOT A SCAM, so if you think it is, do not bother to email me. I am too busy working to benefit a worthy cause (and possibly make a little money under the table for myself) to waste time sifting through junk emails... BTW, I also love giving blowjobs to businessmen, just as a "personal hobby", but this is separate from the above. If you are only interested in the bj, please do not respond [in your response to this posting], as blow jobs would be an extra service offered for profit only, and therefore, would not be tax deductible.

***

I AM: a guy in my mid/late 20s, too busy and, frankly, too broken-hearted to chase ladies right now. That creates a problem as my 'crowd' will not cut me any slack. Worst of all, my parents have started thinking I might be gay. YOU ARE: a good-looking woman in her twenties. Willing to have dinner with my parents once, at most twice, a month and show up at my friends' parties about once a week. These 'duties' apart, we treat each other as normal flatmates. No sex, no walking around in panties or any of that. I can afford world-class female companions for these purposes, if I actually wanted to. YOU GET: a private room in a 2 BR apt in soho. I own the place and, my bedroom apart, we share everything else (living room, eat-in kitchen). PRICE: 500. Market price would be around 1500 or more, i.e. you get a 1000 dollar discount for about half a dozen outings with me per month. Ideally for several months (6, whatever) just so I get the 'must have girlfriend' pressure off my shoulders for a bit. Can be longer if we get along very well. Please attach a picture. Translation: I AM: a guy in my mid/late 20s, too scared to come out of the closet. My friends have become wary of my virtual girlfriend ruse, and my parents are getting suspicious, so I really need to find a live-breathing chick to show off to everyone. YOU ARE: a good looking woman in her twenties. Willing to have dinner with my overbearing parents every other weekend, and show up for my friends' parties. These "duties" apart, we will treat each other as normal [platonic] flatmates. No sex, no walking around in panties or any of that (I have a weak stomach, and I highly appreciate personal space and humility). I can afford a high priced call-girl, if I really wanted to look at some scantily clad tramp walking around my place, but I'm just not into that. YOU GET: a private room in a 2 BR apt in Soho. I own the place, and my bedroom apart (it's completely off-limits to anyone of the female gender), we share everything else (living room, eat-in kitchen), provided you remain fully dressed at all times. PRICE: $500. Market price would be around $1500 or more, but you get a $1000 discount for pretending to be my girlfriend, and covering my tracks while I continue to date guys undercover. Ideally, for several months (6, whatever), just so I get my friends and my parents off my back. If you're not too annoying, we can do it longer. Please submit a picture. I'll have to consult with people who would know if you're attractive enough to be considered "my girl".

News and Nonsense (Monday Edition)

• Of all the things that one could call Omarosa, I'm sure that "fag hag" is not one of them. (via Jossip)
• Although, Renee Zellweger seems to be moving in that direction. (3am Girls)
• Justin Guarini has a face made for animated films, and a voice made for silent ones. (Perez Hilton)
• Guy Ritchie still isn't showing us that he's worthy of much respect.
• Why is it not surprising that Naomi Campbell would defend Kate Moss? Isn't that like Robert Downey, Jr. defending Courtney Love? (MSNBC)
• Jeremy Piven scrambles to take advantage of his newfound buzz before people remember who he is really is.
• Nicole Kidman = the next Jude Law. And I'm only speaking in professional terms. (PopWatch)
• "Desperate Housewives" to add a little more color to their world.
• Which is bigger? Paris Hilton's feet, Janet Jackson's dress, or Tara Reid's plastic surgery scars? (Perez Hilton)
• D'Angelo is just not having a good year. (Crossfader)
• Michael Jackson to go "gangsta" as a part of his "manly makeover". This will give new meaning to the term, "tranny". (Jossip)

Urine Luck...

Think that person lurking in the public restroom is some sort of pervert? He/she may just be too shy to pee in the company of others. More people suffer from paruresis, a social phobia that produces anxiety at the thought of "eliminating" with other people around. I'm sure that everyone can name at least one person who is hesitant to use public restrooms because of their lack of cleanliness, or whatever-- but, for how many is it actually a serious issue? The study by German psychologists describes paruresis as a form of social phobia and says that those who suffer badly eschew travel, decline social invitations and plan how much they drink to avoid the need to use public toilets. In a representative sample of German men, 2.8 per cent had the condition. Between 20 and 30 per cent of the sample were less comfortable urinating in public toilets than at home but were not classified as having paruresis. I am putting those of us who are timid in front of football crowds and soap squirters into this latter camp... Some people are so badly afflicted by paruresis that they can’t even urinate at home if there is somebody else in the house. Some women also have problems if someone is in an adjoining cubicle. This is less common, but I do recall an old friend telling me of an occasion when her boss, a formidable glossy magazine editrix, followed her into the lav and sat in the next cubicle urinating like a horse. My friend was temporarily frozen and had to sit it out until she left. I guess the rest of us are just germophobes or perverts. Obviously, Britney Spears and Fergie never had this problem...

3 Degrees of Kate Moss

(image via dala.vhware.org) Or should it be "6 Degrees of Jude Law"? Or "4 Degrees of Sienna Miller"? Or is it all really centered around Sadie Frost? Whatever... it's all way too incestuous for me to keep up with. Just think, Jude Law, in some way, if you think about it long enough, is closer to Pete Doherty than he probably ever wanted to be.

Sour Notes (Saturday Edition)

• Foxy Brown will undergo surgery to "repair a lingering hearing defect"-- to think that she was allowed to record music for all these years with a hearing problem... most likely, this "ear surgery" will be accompanied by some other procedure-- something on a more cosmetic level...
• Chris Martin wants to venture where Nelly has gone before.
• Speaking of Nelly, he's getting his own reality show, focusing on his charitable work, thankfully, because we really don't want to see him smooching with Ashanti. (PopWatch)
• Mel C. still blames the Spice Girls for her lack of talent. (3am Girls)
• Lil' Kim took her last meal of freedom at the capital of rest-stop cuisine, Roy Rogers, to ensure that she'd be really bitchy from the heartburn and indigestion during lockdown.
• Lil' Kim should have hooked up with J.Lo and Marc Anthony if she wanted some greasy chicken; she could have shared Marc's meal with Jennifer while he watched.
• Kanye West didn't have to bother about telling Shirley Bassey that he was sampling her song; she's so old, that she probably wouldn't have understood the concept anyway. (Stereogum)
• And speaking of Kanye, it seems that people in some parts of the world are lucky enough to not know who he is. (3am Girls)
• Melissa Etheridge has recovered and plans to return to the stage soon. (Queerty)
• 80s Christian rock band Stryper is now playing "the devil's music".
• This should be a lesson to Sheryl Crow.
• Even the English give awards for crappy music. (Independent)
• The Fiona Apple album release saga continues. (PopWatch)
• Charlotte Church, contrary to popular belief, actually does aspire to be classy one day. (SkyNews)
• Real rock music died with Kurt Cobain. (SFgate)
• Airline employees took pity on Lauryn Hill and threw out-- I mean, "lost" all of her clothing for London's MOBO awards. (3am Girls)
• J.Lo's skankwear is now available for the masses to wear. (Chicago Sun-Times)
• Guardian UK profiles Siouxsie Sioux.
• Babyface is releasing a new compilation or something-or-other... *yawn*... (VV)
• Cameron Crowe explains how important soundtracks are to films. (LAT)
• The Spin Doctors are back to make our heads hurt through another decade. (NYT)
• Bob Dylan: hype of the moment. (Independent)

Saturday Stream

• Ali G: annoying and unoriginal.
• And I thought that SPF stood for "sun protection factor". (PopWatch)
• The people over at Gawker are so burned out that they've added a comments section. Of course, only editor-approved sycophants are allowed to submit their thoughts. (Gawker)
• China takes "geek chic" to a whole new level.
• Add a few pounds, and Charlize Theron could be another Anna Nicole Smith. (PopWatch)
• "Surreal Life 6" is doing an 80s redux. (YuppiePunk)
• Kimberly Stewart has to learn that if you don't have good looks, you have to be clever. And weak, kiss-ass apologies tend to neutralize the cleverness. (Perez Hilton)
• Nick Cannon is no Will Smith. (PopWatch)
• Speaking of Nick Cannon, his movie career is "drowning out his music". Thank goodness! Hopefully this means that we won't have to suffer through another "Hip Hop" album from him. (VH1)
• And speaking of "Roll Bounce", it seems that everything connected to this movie is in poor taste. (Whatevs)
• Is Kenny Chesney gay? Isn't marrying Renee Zellweger proof enough? Obviously, Renee didn't think his tractor was sexy... (Queerty)
• Fox News decides to ditch "A Current Affair" for a more "hard-hitting example of real journalism"-- "Rivera at Large". (TV.com)
• Jim Carrey revisits "The Truman Show". (PopWatch)
• Jossip has a recap of the new season's premiere of America's Next Top Model.
• Now we know why Anne Heche indulges in crazy behavior-- apparently, it's hereditary. (SkyNews)
• Oprah, realizing that her viewers are still having too much trouble trudging through Anna Karenina to even open up any of the Faulkner books, decides to go easy on them with her new pick. (CNN)
• As they say, "hindsight is always 20/20"...
• Is Paris Hilton the new R. Kelly?

Who Should Be the New Indiana Jones?

Or should we even bother to find anyone new? Harrison Ford was perfect for the role, in his heyday, and there was hope that River Phoenix, who nailed it as a young Indy, could have carried the torch, but sadly, he died. When Harrison said he was "getting too old", that was the end of Indiana Jones (although, oddly, he went on to play Jack Ryan, and several other assorted characters who did nothing but run, jump, shoot and kill). Now there is a new Indiana Jones film in production, and we know that if this film is successful, then the studio will surely want to continue the series. But now that Ford really is older-- who would be the perfect choice to replace him? Glenn McDonald muses over this question in PopMatters: Reports are trickling in that Ford, George Lucas, and Steven Spielberg have finally agreed on a script and a schedule, and may start shooting the next Indiana Jones film this year. This can't be construed as anything but good news, but it does highlight a crisis I think we've been long neglecting to address: Who is going to step into old man Ford's boots when he's gone? [...] Anyway, I don't know how much more mileage we're going to get out of Harrison Ford. Man, what happened to this guy the last 15 years? Han Solo! Indiana Jones! Deckard! But then he started getting bad haircuts and wearing an earring and leaving his wife, and next thing you know he's flying rescue helicopters for a living and dating Calista Flockhart. And I'm not even going to make any skinny-chick jokes here. Nosiree, no cheap shots in this column. But did you know she went missing for several days last July when she turned sideways at a charity event? Rumors persist that the fourth installment of the Indiana Jones franchise will be titled Indiana Jones and the Colostomy Bag of -- no, I can't do it. I just can't make fun of Indy. Harrison Ford is really all we have left of a movie hero, and we have to hold onto him like grim death. Who else is going to power a franchise like Indiana Jones? Brendan Fraser? Please -- the guy's a career understudy. The Mummy movies play like a bad Mad Magazine genre spoof. That leaves, who, The Rock? Ice Cube? Vin Diesel? All these guys can do is wear tight t-shirts and scowl, or raise an eyebrow, or whatever they do. Forget it. Christian Bale? Batman Begins was a nice movie, but he still looks like an underwear model. Obviously, it would have to be an actor over 30, since Indiana was an Archeology professor. But the list of choices is small, because, really, how do you choose a replacement for someone who worked so well? Why not just end it with Harrison? Of course, Hollywood probably wouldn't stand for that, because there is money to be made, and tickets and merchandise to be sold... I hesitate to pile on with the other Tom Cruise haters out there, since it seems so trendy these days, but if ever there were a movie star that I've despised from day one, it's Brad Pitt. I mean Tom Cruise. Whichever, I don't care -- I can barely tell them apart. Brad Pitt I hate because his hair always looks so good. It became impossible to ignore around the time of Legends of the Fall, a film in which Pitt played a rugged outdoorsy type with the immaculately styled hair of an elite West Hollywood gigolo. I tried watching that film for the storyline, but simply I could not take my eyes off that celestial mane! And don't even get me started on Troy. Did you know that the end credits of that film, there's a line that reads: "Starring Brad Pitt's Hair as . . . Itself!"? True... And Cruise is such an extreme Hollywood construct, I have a hard time even wrapping my head around his existence. His contempt for us "little people" just pours off him in waves -- if you look closely, you can actually see the air around him warp and waver from the incendiary derision he radiates to all non-Thetans. It's easier to think of him as a kind of mass media celebrity android. That's why I actually like his crazy-ass Scientology bullshit. When you get to that level of fame and fortune, the only real way to get your kicks is to aim for immortality and omniscience. Scientology sells this fever dream to our most earnestly self-deluded celebrities, and it's a nicely efficient system, I think. They deserve one another. Who else, if not two of the biggest stars in Hollywood? There are tons of big name actors who could do it, but could they really carry it off convincingly? This has the potential of mirroring the James Bond situation. Dozens of actors will covet the role, but only one will be lucky enough to be deemed rugged, charismatic, and talented enough to appeal to audiences. Personally, I'd rather just end it while it's still good. "Popshots: The Last Action Hero" (PopMatters)

The Cuckolding of Guy Ritchie

(image via Yahoo) The Independent covers Guy Ritchie, a man who, like his wife, Madonna, is well versed in the methods of reinvention. Only, while she has mastered the art, he appears to be still learning the particulars of creating a crowd-pleasing public persona: With his legs crossed nervously on a floral red sofa, Guy Ritchie looks hesitantly into the camera in an online interview for The Sun. He looks like a hostage, pleading for rescue. "Hi, I'm Guy Ritchie," he almost apologises. "I'm the - uh - writer/director of Revolver which is coming to your screens on the, uh, 22nd of September. Go and watch it because I need the money and I need to be more populaah." [...] It can't be easy, being married to the most famous woman on the planet. Especially for somebody who has always craved a pop-culture credibility of his own. But if the gender roles were reversed, you couldn't image a woman playing the same "c'mon girls, help me out here" card. Just imagine Posh Spice appealing to the sisterhood: "Please buy my album, I know it's rubbish, but I need the money and the kudos - it's very hard on me just being Mrs Beckham." What do we really know of Guy Ritchie, as an individual separate from his wife? He's a film director, yes, but we mostly think of him as "Mr. Madonna". He's received accolades for at least one film, but then, ruined that buzz by putting the notoriously untalented (as an actress) Madonna in one of his movies. Could this have been the thing that killed Guy's chances to stand on his own as a "serious" director? Or were there other things that were fated to mar his chances to shine in the film industry? His newest film, "Revolver", has not received very positive reviews : Ritchie's half-hearted SOS to cinema-goers is unlikely to help him. Seldom has so much media attention been devoted to drubbing a relatively minor movie. The critics have already labelled Revolver "a stodgy, expensive revenge movie with a pompous belief in its own brilliance". This paper's reviewer, Anthony Quinn, found the gangster film plumbed "new standards of dreadfulness". "It's convoluted past the point of rationality," wrote The Daily Telegraph's film critic. "Its boring, impenetrable, overbearing script leaves the viewer drained." The Guardian dismissed the film's director as "an overgrown public schoolboy with the worst fake hard-boy accent this side of Tim Westwood"... Ritchie has also been called out for a glaring lack of originality. It seems that it's okay to borrow an idea or a concept, as long as you take it to the next level and create something innovative with it, or make a bold statement, something that Guy has yet to achieve: Madonna has always been a magpie. She has incorporated slabs of Monroe, Dietrich, gay disco, cowboy glitter, trance and pornography into her constant reinvention. Likewise, Ritchie pilfered - with rather less wit and poise - from Tarantino and Scorsese and Fight Club's David Fincher. But when two such style-snatchers collaborate, the derivatives are compounded and image created by two people standing on the shoulders of so many is always in danger of toppling. Being married to Madonna also made Ritchie's biography a fact of public record. We found out that, rather than being the barrow boy he camped up, he was in fact the stepson of baronet Sir Michael Leighton and a descendant of King Edward I. "There's something very phoney about him," says [Nick] James. It is interesting to observe the union of a posh boy pretending to be working class, and the Michigan engineer's daughter currently trying on her best Penelope Keith act as though she were to the manor born. It's almost as if Guy, even though he carries the title of "husband to Madonna", is still nothing more than her latest "boytoy", someone she'll soon get bored of being with, as soon as she finishes molding herself into the "genteel country English wife". Will Guy Ritchie ever outshine the shadow that his wife's fame has cast him in? Or will we forever think of him as "Madonna's husband", or "the English Quentin Tarantino"? "So, Where Did It Go All Wrong for Guy Ritchie?" (The Independent)

Sour Notes (Monday Edition)

• Denzel may be "getting old", but 50 Cent isn't getting any better.
• We all knew that Jay-Z wasn't really going to retire. (Billboard)
• Fergie's love for hypnosis must explain her current look; she must be under some sort of trance to choose the outfits she does.
• In the discussion of musicians selling out, Sir Paul McCartney is not the person who should be under scrutiny-- no one seems to notice that Sting will open his mouth for anyone who's willing to write a check for his services. (Stereogum)
• J.Lo is just a glutton for punishment...
• Is The Game witty enough to get himself out of this unfortunate situation?
• Lil' Kim won't have to worry about roughneck inmates threatening her; since she's become the female version of Michael Jackson, most of her peers will probably keep their distance. (Newsweek)
• Spice Girls - miniscule bit of talent they had + a big dose of skankiness = Pussycat Dolls.
• Something tells me that the rest of R. Kelly's skeletons are about to fall out of the closet. (Boogie Tonight)
• Vanilla Ice must be pulling his hair out right now. (VV)
• Now we know why they bolt the furniture to the floor in some publc places. (Perez Hilton)
• Was the music in 1980 really that bad? (Stereogum)
• Photoshop Contest: "When Musicians Try too Hard to be Versatile". (Best Week Ever)

Monday Musings

• HBO is obviously aiming for some sort of Shakespearean feel. (TMFTML)
• This is what you get when overachievers venture onto Craigslist. (Gawker)
• I'm sure that some drag queen could use this dress-- or maybe someone hoping to be Barney for Halloween.
• Maury Povich still has a TV show? (Yuppie Punk)
• I knew there was something about John Roberts. (Low Culture)
• Mary Hart is the new Dick Clark.
• NYT now charges a fee for the columns that nobody reads first hand anyway. (Gawker)
• Tyra Banks: so fake, yet, so real.
• We wouldn't know how to take it if the Today Show actually started reporting more than 10 minutes of real news. (Gawker)
• "ER" must be close to the end of its run: John Stamos has been added to the cast.
• Oprah decides to play nice with Hermes.
• Sex with Kate Moss must be like S&M; getting constantly poked with all those sharp bones must really hurt. (Corsair)
• D.L. Hughley puts out an all points bulletin for a hair stylist for Condi Rice. (Newsweek)

Everything You Didn't Want to Know about the Emmys...

(image via Go Fug Yourself)

... and probably weren't thinking about asking:

• A list of the winners (News Day)
• Canadians are so nice-- unlike Heather and Jessica... (Go Fug Yourself)
• Some results from the "Star Jones" drinking game (Perez Hilton)
• Recap from Defamer
• Live-blog recap from PopWatch

They Give the Shoes Too Much Credit

If idol worship is supposed to be wrong, what are we to think about idolizing shoes? In the London Times, three women discuss the power of a sexy pair shoes, and the various sagas that they have experienced (or imagined) while wearing them. Do men really pay that much attention to women's shoes? I would think that men could find several more important things to obsess over. Why is it that some women are so into shoes? Can a sexy pair of shoes actually be more fulfilling than an attractive man? What to wear? Black. It was going to be a trampy night; I couldn’t look like a tramp. I chose a 1950s swing dress, safe — something about the night had to be safe — and a little black lace cape. It was all too sweet. Until you got to the shoes. Sumptuous, velvety suede, shocking scarlet and heels so high, I could break my neck in them. I strode through the lobby like a harlot on an acid trip because of the way they made me feel. Of course, they were the first thing he saw. I called his name across the bar, he turned, saw my face, then dropped his gaze to the floor. He grinned. The shoes told him what he needed to know. But he had to work for it first. He didn’t know about the room upstairs, he just thought we were eating at Pétrus and then ... well, he had hopes. So did I. So did my shoes. A tasting menu — the courses scored seven out of nine. Pretty good, but Mexico was giving the sommelier a going-over. Bored, I brushed the soft suede against his ankle. He sat back, drank me in. Pushed the chair back, gazed again at my feet. “Amazing shoes.” “I know.” Smile. Lock eyes. Withdraw foot. Tuck shoes under chair. Hard to get? Probably not what he’s thinking. Losing interest in the food now, and feeling frumpy in my cape. Want to show off how well my knickers go with my shoes. Mexico has drunk a little too much and is speaking too loudly. Really, do I want this? I drop my napkin and, as I reach down to pick it up, my hand brushes against the cushion of suede pleated over the toe. I like how the folds of material envelop each other. The shoes are turning me on more than the man. ...this gives new meaning to the expression, "it's all in the mind". Or is it that some attractive men are as empty as an unworn shoe?

Fashion Designers Cry Over New Competition

Are pop stars co-opting the game of the fashion world? (via WaPo) Fashion, as it has always been defined, has come to an end. [Gwen] Stefani is only one in a mob of singers and rappers who have used fashion to extend their brands. L.A.M.B. is one of the few collections that have received significant praise from retailers, not because it is exceptionally good but because it is surprisingly not bad. Indeed, Stefani had a bestseller with a lace-printed raincoat priced at about $365. L.A.M.B. has a point of view, retailers say. It is not a pure vanity project. And to be fair, Stefani is one of the few celebrities who had a personal style long before settling into the comforts of high-priced stylists and free clothes. She is her brand's muse, but Zaldy Goco designs it... The path the fashion industry is heading down is populated by corporate marketing teams looking to advertise gadgets, not clothes. It is overrun with celebrities working to increase their fame even as they complain about their lost privacy. The aisles of shows are clogged with five-foot-wide lunkheaded security guards belonging to tabloid darlings and devils; they are such slow-moving behemoths that the only danger they could succeed in blocking would be the sun. This is the downhill road to cultural hell, and the fashion industry is moving along it at a fast clip. In some respects it has no choice. It is being pushed along by consumer demand, lowbrow tastes, society's obsession with celebrity, and the rising costs of doing business. Fashion has already ceded significant aesthetic authority to pop stars and actresses. Every day it loses more clout as other outsiders looking to burnish their image and attract new customers attach themselves to fashion... It is not uncommon for show sponsors -- and designers -- to be selective about who gets what at these shows. After all, the fashion industry resembles nothing more closely than a junior high cafeteria filled with cool kids, mean girls and outcasts. But this was bad manners, elitism, tackiness and, most of all, another example of the ways in which outsiders are using -- and abusing -- fashion as a means to an end: greater fame, prestige or more money. The clothes have become an increasingly minor point in the whole process. What is "fashion" really, but having the sense that you look good just because some designer, celebrity, or other "expert" has dictated what everyone should wear? Now that pop stars and celebrities are finally taking control and marketing the images and styles that made them famous, lazy and unoriginal designers are crying that "real fashion is dying". I would think that original fashion died about 30 years ago. No one has really come up with anything new since then. All we get are old styles from different eras mixed and matched to yield "the new look". Celebrities have just managed to cut out the middle man; we're finally getting new trends directly from the source, instead of waiting for some "official designer" to copy them.

Sour Notes (Sunday Edition)

• Just who is Justin Timberlake blackmailing to get all of these acting gigs?
• J.Lo doesn't realize that people at Marc Anthony's concerts throw oversized underwear on stage in futile attempts to get him to cover up his hideous face.
• Is Foxy Brown the poor man's Naomi Campbell? (Corsair)
• David Copperfield is a great magician, but even he can't make the Black Eyed Peas sound good. Now, if only he could make them disappear...
• Mariah Carey is moving to the UK, because she's run out of Americans to bore to death (and not because she's trying to imitate Madonna or anything). (3am Girls)
• Carlos Santana figures that since Herbie Hancock and others are copying his formula for schmaltzy duets = big bucks , he might as well keep it going. (PopWatch)
• Andre Benjamin is "addicted to creating"-- but he doesn't mention his tendency to create crap. (Guardian UK)
• LeToya Luckett is no dummy; even she knew that it would be a waste of time to release her album while Beyonce was working.
• 50 Cent vows to maintain his formula for success: ripping off Ja Rule's signature of cheesy rapping + bad singing. (MTV)
• Sean Paul gets into the numerology of selling out with his new album, "Trinity".
• Poor Vince Neil. All that plastic surgery gone to waste... now he has an excellent excuse to get fat again.
• So what if Jennifer Lopez can't sing? She's one of the few people who can add the complex skill of "attaching mink eyelashes" to her resume.

Geraldo Rivera: "Journalist" or Camera Whore?

Geraldo Rivera has spent years making a fool of himself-- only, this time, he wants someone to apologize for pointing out: Seeing him descend bright-eyed and sweaty on wretched New Orleans, as he did in Hurricane Katrina's aftermath, was like watching a vulture on crystal meth. The word that came to mind was not "reporting," but "feeding." The only rational reaction was: Dear God! Haven't these people suffered enough? But, as he always has, Geraldo continues to push the limits of the possible, and, in this case, the controversy currently surrounding one of his broadcasts from New Orleans demands that we squarely confront the question, "Can you wrong the indefensible?" This time, Geraldo's antagonist is the New York Times' Alessandra Stanley, whose tangential acquaintance with the facts seems to suggest that she's the Michael D. Brown of TV critics. As the Los Angeles Times' Scott Collins reported this week, this whole affair began Sept. 5, when Stanley wrote a piece alleging that, while reporting from the Holy Angels Resident Hall for Retired Nuns in New Orleans — you've got to love that dateline — Geraldo "nudged an Air Force rescue worker out of the way so his camera crew could tape him as he helped lift an older woman in a wheelchair to safety." Rivera emphatically denies that's what happened and has demanded that the New York Times publish a correction. In fact, this columnist, who happened to see that report, didn't see any "nudging." Typical Geraldo-- grandstanding in the face of tragedy in order to hype his own image as a "muckraking/crusading journalist". This the man who got kicked out of Afghanistan for revealing the military's secret location. Just how is it that Dan Rather got the boot over one mistake, but Geraldo still manages to find work as a "serious journalist"? Oh, right. Geraldo is on Fox News now. Anything goes there... Geraldo has now gotten into a "beef" with Alessandra Stanley, who seems to be no stranger to criticism herself. Bill O'Reilly's show, on which Rivera has twice appeared to air his grievance. In one instance, he referred to Stanley as "Jayson Blair in a cocktail dress." In another, he blustered that if the critic's name were "Alexander" rather than Alessandra, he would stand outside the Times building and yell, "Come on down here, punk." ... It is true, however, that Stanley does have an unusually difficult time getting things actually — as opposed to metaphorically — right. Several commentators, relying on those websites that keep track of individual journalist's correction rates — these are people whose formative life experience apparently occurred while serving as a school-hall monitor — have noted that 11% of the stories written by Stanley over the last four years have required corrections. So, it seems that we have the battle of the C-List journalists. "It's Hard to Feel Bad for Geraldo" (LA Times)

Sunday Sundries

• 10 years ago, a game like "Porn Star or Pop Star" would have been much easier... (Best Week Ever)
• Speaking of porn, it seems that more young girls are considering porn as a viable career option. (London Times)
• The "Star Jones Drinking Game": something to give you a good excuse for having a headache after watching anything that she's in. (Perez Hilton)
• Hopefully Angelina Jolie will learn that Africa is indeed a continent before her daughter gets old enough to go to school... (Jossip)
• This woman was obviously unsuitable for parenthood. (SFGate)
• Apparently, Vince Vaughn is the new Jim Carrey. Or, is Owen Wilson the new Jim Carrey?
• According to Kimora Lee Simmons, conceit is the new self-esteem. (Corsair)
• Oprah to pimp slap Hermes on Monday's show. (Jossip)
• Just who, you may ask, would be the donor in a face transplant? Well, you won't have to think hard to figure it out... (SFGate)
• Brandy and Serena Williams threaten to make each other's bad weaves worse during Fashion Week. (Perez Hilton)
• Now we know how Kate Moss stays so skinny. (Observer)
• According to many Hollywood stars, smoking is an unattractive activity that makes you attractive. (NYT)
• Comedians manage to find humor in the mess that Katrina left. (CNN)

A Cheater's Worst Nightmare?

What could be worse than that Cheaters TV show? How about a website where women can "out" their cheating boyfriends and husbands as a warning to other women? There is no shortage of potential wrongdoers for dontdatehimgirl: a 2003 survey by the National Opinion Research Centre at the University of Chicago found that 22% of all men cheat. Tasha Joseph, the site’s 33-year-old founder, was inspired to launch it in July when she was chatting to friends about men’s infidelity. “It’s not a crime punishable by law but it’s a moral crime,” she said. Dontdatehimgirl took off when local radio stations eagerly recounted the misdeeds of the rotten apples in their midst. Joseph now has a backlog of hundreds of entries. “Cuban Dream Girl” from Miami Beach explains on the website how she was charmed by “F” (his name and photograph are displayed on the site). “I thought he was serious about me as he would call me his fiancée to everyone he’d meet and always told me he loved me,” she said. But he cheated on her for five months. After she posted his details on dontdatehimgirl, her local radio station put her on the air. “I did what every woman who has ever been cheated on would love to do,” she said. “I gave him his 15 minutes of fame, but not in a nice way.” [...] A few entrants in the rogue’s gallery are spoofs, such as one featuring Jude Law, the actor — “he was cheating with his children’s nanny!” Women are also warned to beware of Eric Benet, a singer and self-confessed sex addict. “He even cheated on Halle Berry so he’ll cheat on you!” Something about this whole thing seems really "Terry McMillanish".

Sour Notes (Monday Edition)

• Cedric the Entertainer to host the AMAs... I think people are finally learning after the Diddy Dum-Dumb debacle to pick a host who is at least expected to be funny.
• Poor Eric Benet-- talk about bad timing... maybe he could just change the lyrics and use this song to benefit hurricane victims.
• Kanye West, the personification of the term, oxymoron (and newly self-appointed head of the "slang police" force)-- is to copy-- uh-- recreate the Garanimals clothing line for the new millennium geek. (Slate)
• I think we're about to see the end of an era; this should just about "rap" up all of that modern-day-movie-musical nonsense. (Movie Blog)
• 50 Cent's ego has inflated to untold heights since this story came out. (SkyNews)
• Timbaland... coming to a phone too near you... (Guardian UK)
• Diddy is an opportunist? And Lil' Kim is a gold digger? No! Never would have figured that one out...
• The newly "gangsta" Ricky Martin says that porn "is a tool that helps you get in touch with yourself". Funny, how dumb things can actually sound profound sometimes (depending on the intelligence level of the person who says them). (Independent)
• Tina Knowles finally gets to sell her Home Economics projects to the world. (LAT)

Monday Musings

• Kimberly Stewart-- poor girl-- I guess constantly being passed over for prettier girls might make her just a little bitter. (CGB)
• Could Nicholas Cage actually be overrated? (Blaggblogg)
• Victoria Beckham might not be original, but she's one of the most famous copycats around. (London Times)
• Tommy Hilfiger is so innovative-- he manages to copy other people's fashions even better than Victoria Beckham, and still survive a long running "malicious" urban legend. (MSNBC)
• Speaking of urban legends, Naomi Campbell says that all these tales of her slapping people around are just nasty rumors. (Perez Hilton)
• Pierce Brosnan wanted "racier" sex scenes in Bond movies-- something to help keep viewers awake through then end.
• Showtime is working to step out of HBO's shadow-- a process which is going to take a lot more originality on Showtime's part, if they want to be successful. (NYT)
• Just where did Dubya get that accent? From the Hidden Valley Ranch? (PopMatters)
• If candid celebrity photos were crack, then the paparazzi would be crack dealers, and most of us would be crackheads. (Slate)
• Gwyneth Paltrow is apparently suffering from delusions of grandeur, or whatever they call that condition that Tom Cruise has been going through.
• Plastic surgery: the new opiate of the masses. (PopMatters)
• Don't hate the playa... hate the game. (London Times)

The Sociological Side of Dining Out

Why do black people tend to shout? It's probably because of inane articles like this one from NYT: ...at Chanterelle one night, I almost became my own worst nightmare. The sight of a black couple strolling in struck me as so bizarre that I swiveled in my seat, bug-eyed, to trail them through all that creamy quiet. I say "almost" because my husband put an end to it with a merciful hiss: "Stop staring." Well, yes, I was staring, but not just because they were black. Suddenly, for a change, I was not the only black customer in the room. Granted, most people muster a little more decorum (like my husband, who is white). But I am not the first to notice that while most of New York lives in a polyglot 2005, the hushed precincts of its best restaurants look like a snapshot from 1955... Yet the absence [of blacks in upscale restaurants] is striking, especially in a place that is as multicultural as New York and that has substantial black wealth and a boldface-name black elite. The reasons are more complex and varied than the salts dusting a crudo plate at Esca. And some of them have to do with a younger generation that is looking for ease and entertainment in eating out rather than a vocabulary test. "If a Caucasian person comes in there in a good suit, they're dealing with their own feelings about 'Do I know my way around a wine list, do I know what that ingredient is?' " Mr. Oliver said, chuckling. "There's at least two other layers for black folks." Parceling out blame seems beside the point. Minority diners occasionally encounter bad seating and frosty treatment, but a racist cabal does not appear at work. In fact many top establishments, like Per Se and Jean Georges, more so than midlevel restaurants, employ blacks in high-profile front-of-the house positions. But even a spot like Aquavit, with a celebrity black chef and an integrated serving staff, is still overwhelmingly white at the tables. Perhaps it's this simple: eating out is a communal enterprise, an exercise in seeing and being seen, and blacks, like any other group, are looking for comfort not just in their food but in the codes of behavior and the people around them... Places like Nobu and Babbo draw faintly mixed crowds, and it is not an accident that both are known for their lively atmosphere. New Yorkers sit casually at the bar of Union Square Cafe or in the teak stalls of Spice Market with more ethnically diverse neighbors. "Americans have learned on some level that mix is sexy," said Clark Wolf, a restaurant consultant. "If a place like Spice Market is about a modern, stylish, really top-quality but sexy chef who's going to mix things up and not follow any traditions in the kitchen but come off as fabulous, that's likely to be reflected up front." All without 18 pieces of silverware. Indeed, such formality always seemed a rite of passage - or something to aim for - among generations of whites of certain means, an aspiration largely absent from the black experience, even among those just as well off. Now interest in high-end restaurants is fading. I loved La Caravelle, as much for its peerless sole as for its hilariously ossified powder-puff sensibility, but with the closing of that restaurant and others of its ilk I appear to be part of a shrinking breed, no matter my color. I think that many black people tend not to eat in some upscale places because of people like the author of the article... "The Tablecloths are White, and So are Most of the Faces" (NYT)

Tuesday Trivialities

• Filmmakers want to be certain that the new Superman lives up to his name.
• They say that beauty fades with age, but what exactly would you call it if Angelina Jolie grew to look like Jackie Stallone? (CGB)
• Michael Flatley has been milking that Riverdance thing for way too long.
• The Advocate interviews Portia de Rossi.
• While some celebrities are literally lending a hand in the hurricane rescue effort, it appears that Sean Penn might actually make matters worse. (Defamer)
• Now I know that if I have trouble sleeping on Emmy night, watching the show should definitely sedate me.
• Dave Chappelle must be the luckiest comedian, ever; he gets a "stand in" for his show while he continues to milk cows on his farm. (Best Week Ever)
• I knew Lance Armstrong would find the flimsiest excuse to race again! (SFGate)
• The charities will have to put in overtime now that Oprah has gone down to visit the hurricane victims, and will most likely talk about it on her show.

Kanye finally says something sensible...

(image via SFGate) ... even if it does happen to boost his record sales. I'm sure that everyone knows how I feel about Kanye West-- but I must say, for once, I agree with him. The situation in New Orleans is unacceptable. And of course, now the media has finally jumped on the "why did it take so long?" bandwagon, but at least, the question has at last been raised, and people are taking action. While Mayor Ray Nagin gave an impromptu nomination of Lt. Gen. Russel Honore to run the evacuation effort, I would have suggested seeking out whoever makes travel arrangements for Christiane Amanpour to help strategize the process. I still cannot understand how so many journalists were able to make it to New Orleans, but no one else could manage to get there to help the thousands of hurricane victims any sooner. And even though a few lunatics decided to shoot at some of the rescue workers, there is still no excuse for the major lack of response to this distastrous situation. Also, I don't understand why people are still stuck on the whole "looting" issue; you do what you have to in order to survive. Would those same people who are enraged by the hurricane victims taking food and other items from storm ravaged stores, if they were faced with the same situation-- would they just sit and starve, in the name of "upholding the law"? Even the severely diminished New Orleans Police Department was forced to set up operations inside a damaged Walmart store, because they were left with no food, water, or supplies. Some people are saying that Kanye could have cost the Red Cross some donations by what he said on NBC Friday night. If that is the case, then it is hardly Kanye's fault that people could be so shallow as to withhold a donation because they disagreed with some speech and spiel from someone who is not even the official spokesperson for the organization. Related Links:

• Humanity Critic
• YuppiePunk
• James Lamb, Jr.
• Ms. Magazine
• Davey D
• Notes from a Different Kitchen
• PopPolitics