Annoying adventures in advice and alliteration

Dear "Politely Proud": PDA is a pukeworthy practice perpetuated by people of a plethora of persuasions... "Personal pride parades" should particularly be prevented promptly, primarily when performed in public. Please pick privacy as a permanent practice. Signed, "Peppermint Patty" (well, actually, I'm more like Marcie... dParker2.0)

You'd think we'd be used to it by now

Studies in many countries have found that daylight saving time curbs energy consumption and reduces traffic fatalities. While I was a researcher at the Transportation Department in the 1970's, we did a study that found that under daylight time in spring and fall, electrical energy use fell by about 1 percent, the equivalent today of roughly three billion kilowatt-hours per month, while the reduction in traffic accidents saved 25 lives and averted 1,000 injuries each month. Crime also decreased... Today, daylight saving time has been adopted by more than one billion people in about 70 countries. At a time when energy conservation is increasingly important and oil prices are skyrocketing, additional daylight time in the United States can save us energy while also preventing traffic accidents, cutting crime, helping trick-or-treaters safely across the street, and providing millions of gardeners, softball players and backyard barbecuers an additional hour in the sun. Maybe it does save energy, but it sure is taxing on the brain cells. The biggest outcome of Daylight Saving Time seems to be 48 hours of mass confusion every year. "Spring Forward Faster" (NYT)

Downgrade: Ode to the Big Mac

Rap artists are stacking the cheddar, in more ways than one: No longer content to see their adverts filling the gaps between music tracks, McDonald’s is biting into the music itself. The fast-food company blamed by many for America’s obesity epidemic is offering rappers £2.80 for every time their snack-inspired track is playing on the radio. McDonald’s hopes to have several songs in the Billboard chart by the summer, according to Advertising Age. The chain has already sponsored the worldwide tour of the pop trio Destiny’s Child, and one of the act’s songs, Cater 2 U, features the refrain “I’m lovin’ it, I’m lovin’ it”. That also happens to be McDonald’s current advertising slogan. Well, I can actually picture Beyonce chowing down on some McDonald's fare, but the other two? I don't think so. And of course, this is bound to create a conflict of interest with some artists, when you consider the fact that music is just a hobby to a lot of people in the industry these days, or more of a part-time supplementary thing: The marketing drive is likely to cause problems at MTV and radio stations, which have been uneasy with hip-hop stars promoting their own products in music videos and songs. The rapper Jay-Z mentions both Roc-A-Wear clothes and Armadale vodka in his song All I Need. He owns both. And what about the whole idea of "blingospheric primping and preening"? Really, can you see P Diddy throwing out shouts to Mickey D's? How can any self-respecting "pimp" or "gangsta" go out like that? Other rappers seem to mention upmarket brand names — known as “mad props” in hip-hop argot — just because they like them. Hence the rapper Busta Rhymes wrote a song entitled Pass the Courvoisier. Sales of cognac increased by 6.1 per cent last year. Courvoisier, yes. Royale with Cheese, no. I wonder what Hammer is thinking about all of this?

"Mary Cheney sets the record straight"

Mary Cheney, the lesbian daughter of the vice president, is writing a memoir that she says will address her experiences as a political "target" of gay rights activists in the 2004 election, when she served as a top adviser to her dad. Though finally unmuzzled, Cheney isn't likely to stray off the GOP message: Her book, after all, is the first offering from Republican strategist Mary Matalin's new Simon & Schuster publishing imprint. This will be another tome in the spirit of Ari Fleischer's book, Taking Heat, a book with a lot of pages and practically no substance.

The Perpetual Pontiff

Let the controversy begin: THE Pope’s doctors are considering an operation to insert a tube into his abdomen so that he can be fed without having to swallow, according to Vatican sources. It came as one expert said that he doubted that the Pope would speak again. Stefano Ruggiero, Professor of Neurology at Rome University, said: “He has extraordinary physical robustness and an iron will, but he simply does not have the strength left in his vocal cords.” If you thought the Terry Schiavo issue was big... To the disappointment of thousands of pilgrims, he failed to appear for the traditional Easter Monday blessing, even though Vatican television cameras were trained on his window above St Peter’s Square. Aides said that he had been ordered to take “absolute rest” after the exertions of Easter Day. They insisted that he had managed to speak in private beforehand, but had been “overcome by the emotion of the event” when the microphone was placed in front of him, and hence had managed only unintelligible sounds. "Pope May be Fed through Tube into his Stomach" (London Times)

Crack is still wack

Not just crack cocaine, either... there's plumber's crack, and then there is the crack of the grand canyon variety, and now there is crack of the toe jam variety, for people with a foot fetish, I guess.

Can we please leave the 80s in the time capsule?

This time it's Jesus (and other religious themes) as a brand name: "There is no question, religion is becoming the new brand," said Jane Buckingham, the president of Youth Intelligence, a trend-forecasting company. "To a generation of young people eager to have something to belong to, wearing a 'Jesus Saves' T-shirt, a skullcap or a cabala bracelet is a way of feeling both unique, a member of a specific culture or clan, and at the same time part of something much bigger." There was a time when such symbols were worn discreetly and were purchased mostly at gift shops or Bible stores. Now, emboldened perhaps by celebrities like Ashton Kutcher and Paris Hilton, who are photographed brandishing spiritual messages on shirts and caps, aspiring hipsters and fashion groupies as well as the devout are flaunting similar items, which are widely available at mass-market chains and online. Now, anything religious that Paris Hilton wears should definitely tell you that the message has been thwarted or distorted in some way. Come fall, members of the fashion flock, at least those with pockets deep enough, will find chunky sweaters that read "Jesus Loves Even Me" from Dsquared, a label that only a season earlier traded in fashions stamped with obscene images and slogans; a Derek Lam blanket wrap embroidered on the back with a torso-length cross; and Yves Saint Laurent coats and evening dresses seeded with ecclesiastical references. Fashions with spiritual messages are just the latest expression of religion as a pop phenomenon, one that has steadily gained ground with consumers since the best-selling "Left Behind" series of novels, based on a fundamentalist Christian interpretation of apocalyptic prophecy, turned up on bookshelves, and "The Passion of the Christ" became a box-office hit. Their popularity arrives at a time when faith-based issues, including school prayer and the debate over the definition of life, are dividing Americans, a rift reflected to some degree among those who wear the new fashions. Religion, the new commodity. "Wearing Their Beliefs on Their Chests" (NYT)

Did she get her inspiration from Sting?

I'm sure it's not that difficult to come to the United States and live illegally-- countless people are doing it quite well-- but something about this seems too... packaged: Here's what I've learned about how to be an illegal alien in New York.

1. Get into the city. There are numerous routes—planes, trains, automobiles, or boats.

2. Get married. Marriage to a U.S. citizen gets you a green card in three months. After three years you can get permanent residency, which means you can live and work here without a U.S. passport.

3. Find work. Not so easy when it comes down to it. How can an employer pay you if you don't have a Social Security number?

4. Assume someone else's identity. Give your nice, kind, and sympathetic American boss your roommate's name and Social Security number to put on the weekly paycheck. Then give your weekly paycheck to your roommate, who will cash it and give the money back to you. The other option is to assume a deceased U.S. citizen's identity and take over their Social Security number.

5. Open a bank account. I opened a bank account perfectly legally in Florida, where a number of aliens work on luxury foreign-owned yachts and the bank staff are used to nonresident clients.

6. Seek out your own kind.

7. DON'T LEAVE. Once you're here, stay put.

If this article wasn't written in such a superior tone, I might find it a little more believable. Really, she discovered all of this in a month's time? Granted, there is a huge advantage in having English as a first language, but I find it hard to believe that you can narrow living as an illegal in America down to seven breezy steps.

In order to accomplish half of the things she lists in the article, the average American citizen has to run back and forth to different agencies, and give everything short of a DNA sample as proof of identity/existence. So, if what she's saying is true, life in this country is indeed all about who you know and what you know about them... those with good education, professional work ethics, and noble character need not apply (in addition to those "over weight, whining American teens").

The perfect man apparently does exist...

Brilliant. (TMFTML)

Dieting for dummies

The diet that makes you lose fat and brain cells at the same time: Heidi Klum, Liv Tyler and Linda Evangelista all train with David Kirsch, the owner and founder of the Madison Square Club, one of New York’s most renowned gyms. He devised a special two-week programme for them, one that — if supervised personally by Kirsch — costs $7,500 (about £4,000). It promises that you will drop two dress sizes and lose 8lb-12lb in 14 days, and is marketed as the world’s first “safe crash diet”... It is only day one, and I almost give up while trying to work out what I can eat for breakfast. I am thinking extreme. A banana? Perhaps some delicious carrots? No, no, both taboo. Kirsch calls this his ABCDEF diet. No Alcohol, no Bread, no Complex Carbs (no starch, so that includes carrots, potatoes, rice, pasta), no Dairy, no Extra sweets, no Fat, no Fruit. This means all I can eat is egg whites, chicken, turkey, fish and vegetables. That is it — all day, every day. Breakfast is the worst: an egg-white omelette (with vegetables and chicken, if I can stomach it) or nothing. This seems to be the new get-rich-quick scheme: come up with a new, impossible-to-follow diet. People are willing to bounce from fad to fad, so it's obviously a lucrative gimmick. All you need is someone famous to help you pitch it.

The dawning of the Age of the Ass Kisser

From early risers: THERE was a time when to project an image of industriousness and responsibility, all a person had to do was wake at the crack of dawn. But in a culture obsessed with status—in which every conceivable personal detail stands as a marker of one's ambition or lack thereof—waking at dawn means simply running with the pack. To really get ahead in the world, to obtain the sacred stuff of C.E.O.'s and overachievers, one must get up before the other guy, when the roosters themselves are still deep in REM sleep. And of course since so few people are awake at such an ungodly hour, the early risers of the world take special pains to let everyone else know of their impressive circadian discipline... At least since Benjamin Franklin included the proverb "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise" in his Poor Richard's Almanac, Americans have looked at sleeping habits as a measure of a person's character. Perhaps because in the agrarian past people had to wake at dawn to get in a full day's work outside, late sleepers have been viewed as a drag on the collective good. To suck ups: ...In one study, 872 Americans were surveyed several years after graduation about the tactics they employed in trying to impress their bosses. Ingratiators lavished praise on the boss and took care to be seen to agree with his or her major views even when they profoundly disagreed. Self-promoters' tactics were to talk up their own achievements or get in early to work to seem keener than their peers. The ingratiators' salary, number of promotions and level in their organisation were higher than those of the self-promoters. The reason seems to be as simple as that bosses like them more, which causes the boss to give them higher appraisals. According to one study, US bosses don't like self-promoters. Another study of American boss/ employee relationships showed that if the boss likes you, they are more likely to give high ratings (probably regardless of actual performance; in that study, your boss was liable to like you if they perceived you as a similar sort of person to themselves and you came from a similar background). Which is the more effective way to get ahead? I'm a night owl, and snarky to boot, so I guess I won't be on the fast track any time soon. Besides, I'm allergic to ass-kissing...

Groom's worst nightmare

Poor Prince Charles just can't get a break: A LEADING Church of England bishop has declared that the Prince of Wales is required to apologise to Andrew Parker Bowles for breaking up his marriage to Camilla. David Stancliffe, the Bishop of Salisbury, said church rules dictated that the prince should atone for committing adultery. The bishop’s intervention demonstrates the church’s determination to extract a price for its endorsement of the wedding. Isn't this blackmail? It smacks of some poorly imagined episode of Punk'd. What hurdle will they come up with next for him to jump over? "Charles Must Apologise for Adultery, Top Says Top Bishop" (London Times)

Stating the obvious

When people state the obvious, it all makes us feel smarter, right? The fact is that it is not in men’s nature to desire overly thin women. When a man sees female curves he finds them sexy because, subliminally, they indicate good reproductive potential. To a caveman, a skinny woman would fall ill and die during hard times and be unable to protect his children. A curvy one would simply use up her fat reserves, slim down a little, and survive. Modern fashion has inverted these values so that skeletal is beautiful, plump is ugly. But women have only themselves to blame. I know lots of females who starve and run themselves ragged in the gym not to attract men but to out-psyche other women. They are the competitive under-eaters you see in restaurants always refusing the bread basket and encouraging other women to have a trifle. They use their body as a weapon to undermine others and show that they are top dog because they are most in control of their calories. It would be easy to say that the enduring obsession with thinness is all a tragic misunderstanding between the sexes, but the truth is that it isn’t. Yes, women are infinitely harsher judges of themselves than men will ever be... it's sad, but it's no newsflash.

French teens snark their way into court

Blogging seems to be causing problems all over the world: A row has erupted in French schools over moves to suspend, expel and even prosecute pupils who insult teachers and classmates on their internet blogs. No French children have been brought to trial yet, but four are facing legal action for either defamation or for infringing the right to privacy by publishing unauthorised photographs on the web. Dozens have been disciplined by their colleges and lycees... At least eight pupils have been expelled this year after staff discovered what had been written about them. In Chamalieres in the Auvergne region of central France, an adolescent was thrown out of his secondary school for describing his teachers as "old farts" and "imbeciles". Three other children were suspended for three days each for adding comments in the same vein. These "internets" are turning out to be really something... people are getting sued every day for everything from downloading music to-- gasp-- posting insults. Once such messages were scribbled in school books or spoken in the playground, but now that they are available for public consumption on the web, teachers say many fall foul of French libel laws, which carry a maximum penalty of one year in jail and a €45,000 fine. I do agree, though, that it's wrong to post someone's picture without their permission: Another teenager was expelled for displaying photographs of teaching staff - along with his own comments on them - taken on his mobile phone during a school trip to Versailles, outside Paris... Alain Levi, head teacher of Saint-Exupery secondary school in Vincennes outside Paris, said that several members of staff wanted to take legal action "after finding themselves on the internet associated with the worst type of insults". That's funny. I guess it does make more of an impression to see yourself denigrated on the internet as opposed to seeing a nasty comment on a crumpled slip of paper. It's not as bad when it's limited to the school campus, but online, who knows how many people will discover that Professor "So-and-So" is a moldy old lush? "French Schools Expel Bloggers for Insulting Le Prof" (London Times)

More in the tale of the "Finger-licking Good" Chili

Now authorities are on the hunt for the owner of the stray digital fragment: Investigators from Santa Clara County's Department of Environmental Health are tracing the meat, sauce, beans, spices and frozen vegetables used in the tainted chili back to their producers in hopes of linking the finger to an industrial accident. "We probably are going to go back as far as the grower of the beans," said Ben Gale, the environmental health director, even as a restaurant spokesman expressed confidence that the digit had not originated in the food supply process. They have another theory, which is reminiscent of an episode Six Feet Under: Lynch said that all the information Wendy's has gathered is being turned over to the investigating agencies and that he is waiting for a more in-depth medical examination of the finger. "They'll be able to tell if it was a cadaver, for example," Lynch said. Moses, the former police crime scene supervisor, said that the mysterious chili finger could have been planted by a disgruntled employee or prankster who obtained the digit from a medical school cadaver or mortuary employee. "It's not that hard to get anatomical parts,'' Moses said. That's not something that I really want to think about...

And just how did he think he was going to feed her?

I hope this guy didn't intend on trying to feed her baby food: A man was arrested after trying to steal a weapon from a gun shop so he could "take some action and rescue Terri Schiavo," authorities said. Michael W. Mitchell, of Rockford, Ill., entered Randall's Firearms Inc. in Seminole just before 6 p.m. Thursday with a box cutter and tried to steal a gun, said Marianne Pasha, a spokeswoman for the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office. Mitchell, 50, told deputies he wanted to "take some action and rescue Terri Schiavo" after he visited the Pinellas Park hospice where she lives, Pasha said. More lunatics seem to be coming out of the woodwork every day... "Man Tries to Steal Gun to Rescue Schiavo" (SFgate)

Adventures in tasteless humor

Of course, you knew that somebody had to go there.

You can find the funniest things on the "Internets", Part 2

Internet radio plays the most obscure oddities sometimes. Did I miss something? These two were swept under the rug pretty quickly... (Random thought: Robert Blake could make a little quick cash by referring his legal team to certain individuals).

Ohio: the retrograde state

Ohioans (if you listen to those people who left their thinking caps home when they went to the polls) apparently don't need jobs, gay marriage, or unmarried women who dare to complain about domestic violence.

It just might have been the nudist thing...

A gay and nudist cruise was barred from stopping at the tiny Caribbean island of Nevis on Wednesday after authorities said the group would offend local customs. I daresay it might offend local eyesight more than the customs... "Carribean Island Bars Gay, Nudist Cruise" (SFgate)

Annoying Trend Alert, Part 4

What do C-Murder, Lil' Kim, Tupac, Jah Cure (whoever he is), and Beanie Sigel have in common? Incarceration (past, present, or impending): A week ago, when the rapper Lil' Kim was convicted of perjury (three counts) and conspiring to lie to a grand jury, even her biggest fans didn't seem particularly shocked - they seemed curious. People were wondering how a jail sentence might affect an already-rocky career. If Lil' Kim is contemplating her uncertain future, three new CD's by imprisoned stars might give her more to think about. On Tuesday, Master P's younger brother C-Murder released "The Truest $#!@ I Ever Said" (Koch); the jewel-box sticker boasts, "Behind bars ... still thuggin.' " C-Murder has been locked up since 2003, when he was convicted of second-degree murder. Next week the Philadelphia rapper Beanie Sigel is to release "The B. Coming" (Roc-A-Fella/Island Def Jam), recorded last year before he began his one-year sentence for weapons possession. And one of the season's most eagerly anticipated reggae albums is "Freedom Blues" (V P Records) by Jah Cure, wildly successful in 2004 even though he's been in prison since 1999, convicted of robbery, gun possession and two counts of rape. If this keeps up, American Idol can start canvassing penitentiaries for "talent" in a few years...

For once, I'm even more confused than Michael

Low Culture links to the latest "WTF" image... is that a Kabbalah string that I see? Or is it a friendship bracelet? I'm so confused...

The pathology of femininity

• The sad women in and of literature (Guardian UK)
• The misguided women who insist on working to live instead of living to work (NY Observer)

Aren't we about due for another "Year of the Woman"? A few phony accolades and some facetious praise would come in handy right about now.

I was never good at analogies anyway, Part 2

Vegetables are to vegetarianism as children are to suburbs. PORTLAND, Ore. - The Pearl District in the heart of this perpetually self-improving city seems to have everything in new urban design and comfort, from the Whole Foods store where fresh-buffed bell peppers are displayed like runway models to the converted lofts that face sidewalk gardens. Everything except children... It is a problem unlike the urban woes of cities like Detroit and Baltimore, where families have fled decaying neighborhoods, business areas and schools. Portland is one of the nation's top draws for the kind of educated, self-starting urbanites that midsize cities are competing to attract. But as these cities are remodeled to match the tastes of people living well in neighborhoods that were nearly abandoned a generation ago, they are struggling to hold on to enough children to keep schools running and parks alive with young voices... Officials say that the very things that attract people who revitalize a city - dense vertical housing, fashionable restaurants and shops and mass transit that makes a car unnecessary - are driving out children by making the neighborhoods too expensive for young families. It almost sounds like fodder for a Science Fiction tale.

Annoying Trend Alert, Part 3

London Times on "celebrity dentures": The pink, grinning dentures sitting in a glass of water near the bed are no longer just for the elderly. In Hollywood, the hottest accessory is a set of prosthetic teeth moulded into the smile of your favourite celebrity, be it Gwyneth Paltrow or Halle Berry. The teeth have already been called the “snap-on smile” — a 21st-century take of the press-on nail. Customers, however, will not be grinning at the price. A celebrity resin mould, which fits on top of your average-Joe or Joan choppers, can cost up to $3,000 (£1,530). What do you say to someone with a replica of Halle Berry's teeth? Wouldn't that be awkward? Would it be like that moment when you're faced with a funny looking baby and you don't quite know what to say? "Hm... nice teeth... they make your shirt look cleaner..." And what if they slipped, or suddenly fell out... wouldn't that be something to witness? "My goodness! Your teeth are dangling... Does that happen often? Oh... you've got another set behind the first... are they cloning teeth, too, these days?"

A new type of digital divide

A diner bit into a segment of human finger while digging into a bowl of chili at a San Jose Wendy's restaurant Tuesday night, Santa Clara County health officials said today. The woman, who asked officials not to name or even describe her, spit out the well-cooked digit and reportedly warned other diners to stop eating. She then became sick to her stomach. Santa Clara County Health Officer Dr. Martin Fenstersheib said today the woman was horrified "due to the unpleasant sensation of having this (object) in her mouth." But he said the finger had been cooked at a high enough temperature to kill any viruses, including hepatitis or HIV, and it was unlikely that she will suffer any health effects from her experience, aside from psychological trauma. Yeah, that's the way fingers should always be served, well done, because you won't find human finger tips listed in any raw foods cookbooks. "Woman Bites into Finger at San Jose Restaurant" (SFgate)

Axl who?

London Times reports on the last Guns N' Roses album, which has spent 10 years in production: It has now been a decade since Guns N’Roses first started recording sessions for the elusive Chinese Democracy — Axl Rose refuses to conclude his efforts with a release. This despite an ever-changing roster of studio musicians, engineers, producers, consultants and executives who have rung up a white elephant costing around $13 million. The Howard Hughes of rock, now 43 and holding on to probably the most expensive album never made, has spent much of the last decade in isolation, amid rumours of weeks spent in regression therapy. This seems so unfair, especially when artists like Fiona Apple can't get an album released. By the time he's finished recording, music will probably have come full circle; "neo-grunge" might be all the rage... Axl should take a new stage name: Rip van Winkle.

Today's serving of sexism, Part 2

Again, from the Washington Post, this time detailing Condi Rice's alleged "hotness": As Rice walked out to greet the troops, the coat blew open in a rather swashbuckling way to reveal the top of a pair of knee-high boots. The boots had a high, slender heel that is not particularly practical. But it is a popular silhouette because it tends to elongate and flatter the leg. In short, the boots are sexy... Rice's coat and boots speak of sex and power -- such a volatile combination, and one that in political circles rarely leads to anything but scandal. When looking at the image of Rice in Wiesbaden, the mind searches for ways to put it all into context. It turns to fiction, to caricature. To shadowy daydreams. Dominatrix! It is as though sex and power can only co-exist in a fantasy. When a woman combines them in the real world, stubborn stereotypes have her power devolving into a form that is purely sexual. A woman in power = danger... where have I heard this before? "Dominatrix!" How kinky and illicit... or is it just kitschy? Is she showing a little leg to distract the men? Hm... Countless essays and books have been written about the erotic nature of high heels. There is no need to reiterate in detail the reasons why so many women swear by uncomfortable three-inch heels and why so many men are happy that they do. Heels change the way a woman walks, forcing her hips to sway. They alter her posture in myriad enticing ways, all of which are politically incorrect to discuss. I guess the media will not rest until Condi Rice is completely sexualized. I suppose if she wore flats, they'd say she was a lesbian... But the sexual frisson in Rice's look also comes from the tension of a woman dressed in vaguely masculine attire -- that is, the long, military-inspired jacket. When the designer Yves Saint Laurent first encouraged women to wear trousers more than 30 years ago, his reasons were not simply because pants are comfortable or practical. He knew that the sight of a woman draped in the accouterments of a man is sexually provocative. A woman was embracing something forbidden. So, she's wearing 3 inch heels, and that makes her too sexy, and she's wearing a military-style coat, that makes her dangerously close to flirting with masculinity... what's a woman to do? Wear a burqua? "Condoleeza Rice's Commanding Clothes" (Washington Post)

Paranoia meets stupidity

Now, I mentioned before that this idea was kind of eerie, but this one is just crazy.

That's Biznatch to you, Be-yotch!

"Bitch" has finally jumped the shark: Television's word of the day is bitch, but this is not your mother's bitch. That classic version designates a dog, a hardship, a way of complaining or a spiteful woman, the one whose sharp edge, according to the fearsome sexist double standard, would surely make her a respected surgeon or astronaut if only she were a man. But the new "bitch," in a usage that has become popular on network television, refers not to dogs or women, but to men. And while parody and overuse are taking the misogynistic sting out of the old one, this new bitch is just getting its claws. Well, actually, it jumped the shark way back when Meredith Brooks came out with that awful song... Now they can go back and re-edit all of those old movies that used the cheesy voice overs to mask the profanity, because at this rate, soon they'll be saying "fuck" all over TV, too. "Epithet Morphs from Bad Girl to Weak Boy" (NYT, Link via Gawker)

"This... movie was a .... to watch... I recommend... it"

Adrants has a link to an article that discusses the magic of transforming a bad movie into a seemingly good one through the crafty use of blurbs: 16 Years of Alcohol Daily Star: "Trainspotting meets A Clockwork Orange!"Actual line: "This glum, violent drama about a Scottish thug ruined by drink is written and pretentiously directed by Richard Jobson whose approach—Trainspotting meets A Clockwork Orange—is bad enough to drive you to drink in no time."Never trust "Movie 1 meets Movie 2" quotes. (By the way, what Daily Star is this? Lebanon's? Oneonta's? No, England's. I found the full text on Nexis.) "The Blurb Racket" (Gelf Magazine)

Maybe they put bits of her brain into her boobs to help fill them out

Amy Linden of Village Voice, in her article "Big Verdict: Lil' Kim is Seriously Fucked", questions the actions that led to Lil' Kim's perjury conviction: ...the crime that Kim swore she didn't see perpetrated by men she swore she didn't know (one of whom, Suif Jackson, has already pled guilty; the other, Kim's former manager Damion Butler, is awaiting trail), might well be just another example of rappers behaving badly. But her adamant denial of any knowledge of who, what, why, or where, is textbook proof that famous people live in a deluded, alternate universe where yes means no, stop means go, and you can pretty much do what you wanna do when you wanna do it because you're blessed with talent... She says he never met the guy she's seated next to, who is also an extra in one of her videos, and oh yeah, her MANAGER. Well, then, it must be true because she thinks it's true and if she didn't think it was true why would she testify that way under oath? As my dear friend and esteemed colleague Kris Ex noted, Kim's-girl-what-the-fuck-were-you-thinking "testimony" was "not a smart lie on her part, and in the realm of stupid lies it was a top one." Now, people think that Michael Jackson is strange, not of this world anymore, etc. Since Lil' Kim has gotten enough plastic surgery to be compared to him in at least one respect, can we venture to say that maybe there is some sort of "syndrome" associated with fame, one that eats away at the good judgement of people who were at one point perfectly normal, but once they become famous, their brains start to malfunction? Or did the plastic surgeon take a little side trip through the cranium while he was working on their noses?

We can't all aspire to look like Olive Oyl...

... although some of us are dangerously close. Even if it's not true that Kylie Minogue has a 16-inch waistline, she could still use an infusion of carbs (her and a long list of others).

American exports, soon to go out of fashion in Europe

LAT on George Clooney and his annoying penchant for trying to memorialize Manifest Destiny: Is Italy's love affair with George Clooney over?Hardly. The smoky-eyed heartthrob may be even more popular in Italy than he is in Hollywood, if such a thing is possible. But Clooney and his Italian neighbors have hit a rough patch in a dispute over waterfront property on scenic Lake Como, where the popular actor has put together a luxurious getaway amid verdant hills and centuries-old architecture... The trouble began, as Laglio Mayor Giuseppe Mantero tells it, when Clooney and his associates applied to buy or lease — either was fine with them — a piece of lakefront property known as the Villa Margherita beach. Rumors started to spread that Clooney planned to block off public access to the lake there. The rest is here: "An American Actor Slips an Inch Off his Pedestal in Italy" (LA Times) And Guardian UK on how some people always want to "bring it"... from Brooklyn to Brixton. Shoot out at Nas concert: For the record: guns don't go bang but pop, a noise a lot like a jumbo bottle of champagne being opened. As this was a hip-hop gig, it wasn't entirely out of the question that some show-off had brought his own vat of Cristal, and for the first pop to have been the juice being uncorked. It sounds ludicrous, but up until that moment, the atmosphere at Nas's first London show in two years had been completely benevolent. But the pop, which seemed to emanate from the back of Brixton Academy, a 4,000-capacity former cinema in south London, was followed by another, and another... I'd witnessed aggressive behaviour at rap shows before, including a mugging and brawls as mobs of ticketless fans tried to invade sold-out gigs. Guns, though, are largely the stuff of myth; the police are more likely to carry them than the punters. In Brixton, after a few minutes, armed police arrived and ordered the venue to be evacuated. At this point, Nas left and fans were left to mill about, quietly shocked that the gig had been touched by American-style violence. Ironically, before the trouble started, the rapper had performed one of his biggest hits, Got Ur Self a Gun. It would be tempting to say that his gangsta talk had come home to roost, were he not far more reflective and pacifistic these days... "Pop Goes the Weasel" (Guardian UK)

Only in Berzerkley

News from the PC capital of the world: Parents, students and teachers at Berkeley's Thomas Jefferson Elementary School will soon vote on whether to rename their school because the nation's third president was a slave owner. The question of whether to rename the school has been debated for more than two years -- since several teachers, including an African American mother of three former Jefferson students, said Jefferson's moniker offended them and suggested a name change. Well, if they want to do this the right way, while they're at it, they'll need to write the U.S. Treasury to get his picture taken off the $2 bill... although I think it's much worse that Andrew Jackson is on the $20 bill, since we use it more often. That's just a possible first step that I can suggest. Just doing my part to completely shroud America and its history in a thick cloak of political correctness.

Even worse than the Martha Stewart "money shot" matter

The Wolfowitz "romance": Social Washington has been buzzing for months about the discreet romance between Deputy Defense Secretary Paul Wolfowitz and Shaha Riza, an Arab feminist and a communications adviser at the World Bank. Now that he's been nominated to head the bank and their relationship has become public, some of Riza's neighbors have become irked enough to dish. Hm... "communications adviser at the World Bank"... what a coincidence; how fortunate for Wolfie... Wolfowitz, 61, and Riza, who's said to be in her mid-fifties, are both divorced. They have declined to publicly discuss their relationship but share a desire to democratize the Middle East. Riza, an Oxford-educated British citizen, was born in Tunisia and grew up in Saudi Arabia. She's known for her expertise on women's rights and has been listed on the bank's Web site as a media contact for Iraq reconstruction issues. Now, if a man who uses the spit from his mouth as a hair grooming aid (as seen in the film "Fahrenheit 911") can get lucky, no one else should have a problem. "What Will the Neighbors Say? Wolfowitz Romance Stirs Gossip" (WaPo)

Your life is important, if it fits into my agenda...

It's odd how fast Congress is able to act on some things, but not others.

DualDisc: Two Scratchable sides instead of just one

NYT has a piece about the introduction of a new technological medium, the "DualDisc", which is basically a disc with CD capabilities on one side, and a DVD on the other. This is just the thing that I need... something else that would have to be eventually replaced.

Is she losing her mind?

JLo let Marc Anthony make management decisions for her??? This is a man who has been riding on the residuals from the one-hit that he had 7 years ago... and I know that he's supposed to be really big in Latin America, but I'm guessing that it's just the Spanish version of "I Need to Know" that's been paying his bills all of this time. Jenny needs to "get right" with Pharrell or Kanye West, or whoever is producing Usher these days... Unless she is learning tips from Marc how to live well in obscurity-- she did complain about all of the media exposure from the "Bennifer" nightmare. Marc could probably start a lucrative traveling seminar on the subject. Maybe he already has.

"Surreality" shows or "Unreality" shows... you choose

Tim Goodman of SFgate puts "Reality" TV shows into the proper perspective: Lest you fall into the camp still dumbstruck at the thought of "Wife Swap" or "Survivor," or "The Apprentice" or "American Idol" being stage-managed in some way, a quick lesson: Editing is the key ingredient to all good nonfiction. In place of the gun going off on "Law & Order," there is a dramatic confrontation between a wife who has swapped families and now finds her, ahem, new husband and kids a little difficult to corral. That confrontation, you should be told, has probably been discussed in advance. It may have been rehearsed. It could even have been scripted. But it was definitely edited. Which means it wasn't real... In short, shadows on the wall. Got it. You're a philosopher king. Now shut up and entertain me. I'm not what you would call a Reality show fan, but there are a couple that I do watch (America's Next Top Model and The Amazing Race are two that I will admit to watching). And I have to say that the entertainment factor, for me, is not so much what they are doing on the show, but how they put it all together. Really, editing does provide quite a lot of comic relief; they should come up with an award category for the people who manage to filter through the countless hours of tape to craft real-life (well, as close to real as putting strangers together in near impossible situations/locations/circumstances as you can get) into an hour-long piece of entertainment. I've been debating whether this trick is more clever than just coming up with a work of fiction; it's almost like improvisation, but not quite... That's the approach needed for reality television. "The Amazing Race" is a wonderful, family-friendly reality series. But if you believe all the dominoes fall randomly, and oh-so-dramatically, without someone helping the narrative flow from the production truck, well then you are one naive soul... Television news manipulates you. Documentaries manipulate you. They are nonfiction, depicting some element of real life. But real life is messy and complicated and lacks linear storytelling. So it gets packaged. If you want real life, go take a picture of a tree (but under no circumstance may you alter that image in PhotoShop). Well, when I want real life, I'll just go out and look at a real tree, thank you. "Get Real-- Just Don't Expect Warts and All" (SFgate)

Annoying trend alert, Part 2

Who is to blame for this one? So much money to be made... so little time... I'm beginning to think that today's lawyers operate with the objective to get as many convictions for their clients as possible, because, as we can see, being a "bad ass" leads to big bucks. "Lil' Kim to take the Rap for Perjury" (Guardian UK)

You just knew that they had to have some inner kink

Maybe someone needs to reiterate the meaning of "abstinence" to these kids. "No sex" doesn't mean "other types of sex". SFgate reports on the popularity of the "Texas virgin": Teens who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are more likely to take chances with other kinds of sex that increase the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, a study of 12,000 adolescents suggests. The report by Yale and Columbia University researchers could help explain their earlier findings that teens who pledged abstinence are just as likely to have STDs as their peers. The latest study, published in the April issue of the Journal of Adolescent Health, found that teens pledging virginity until marriage are more likely to have oral and anal sex than other teens who have not had intercourse. That behavior, however, "puts you at risk," said Hannah Brueckner, assistant professor of sociology at Yale and one of the study's authors. The pledging group was also less likely to use condoms during their first sexual experience or get tested for STDs, the researchers found. I'm sure that some enterprising individual will come up with a witty T-shirt that says "Born Again Virgin" on the front, and "STD Grab Bag" on the back.

We're invited

...to another royal wedding. I wonder if the Queen will be watching live, or will she record it on her DVR?

Gap sinks to a new low

She's messing with my mind... and my ears! I know SJP was overexposed, but why punish us with this? Don't they remember the Grammys? At least Sarah Jessica Parker can sing... and dance... All Joss seems to be good at is being annoying.

"1 Thing" she could to do to "Get Right"

Hmm, is it just me, or does Amerie's "1 Thing" sound like the final edit of Jennifer Lopez's "Get Right" that should have been released? These two songs are almost identical, sort of like one is a remix of the other (of course the lyrics are different; different words, but basically the same message). Play them simultaneously, and you'll see what I mean. Only, of course, Amerie has the better voice. If she'd sung "Get Right", it would be a more powerful song. And I've seen this mentioned before, but I didn't think that they would sound exactly the same. In this day and age of different groups getting rich off of replicating the same song, at least we're usually given the benefit of a considerable space of time between releases (Except in the case of the Tag Team/95 South "Whoomp/Whoot there it is" annoyance). These two may as well tour together; Amerie could do all of the singing, and JLo could tell Amerie to stop trying to dance... And they could give each other tips on plastic surgeons...

I was never good at analogies, anyway

Norcal is to Socal, as night is to day.

Schmaltz meets malts

Didn't Starbucks have a malt drink at one point? Oh well, whatever...

Sex in Science and Research, Part 2

Courtesy of the Guardian UK:

• "Ancient Greeks Balls it Up" (Men and their "toys").
• "Sexy Yawns" (You'll never be able to think of yawning in the same way again).

Today's serving of sexism is provided by...

The Washington Post, by Tina Brown, of all people: All the hype about Condi Rice's new rock-star persona is just because politics has lost its fizz. White House correspondents are bored. The newly self-infatuated bloggers are bored. There is no juice in the Social Security debate. Hence the sudden daft flurry of stories about a possible Hillary/Condi matchup in '08. In this Eros-deprived administration, it gives the Sunday morning news guys something to fantasize about: two girls going at it. Yes, that's all everything really comes down to (no pun intended), for the "Viagra generation". Power remains the great aphrodisiac. British cabinet ministers who had no impure thoughts about Mrs. Thatcher when she was a schoolmarmy minister for education suddenly mused about the "whiff of her Chanel" as she swept into cabinet meetings as PM. I guess that's why it all got so arch last Sunday on NBC's "Meet the Press" and ABC's "This Week" when Tim and George endlessly parsed their "Are-you-running-in-'08?" questions. I hope we see the same frisky transformation in new U.N. Ambassador John Bolton, whose ornery Wyatt Earp mustache and professorial specs could use a "Queer Eye" makeover. Because, even though the top domestic issues of the administration are the Social-Security-needs-to-be-overhauled scam, and the "Say-no-to-gay-marriage" movement, the real issue that lies beneath (pun intended this time) all of that political positioning... uh... posturing, is sex. And although a Queer Eye guy is not human enough to get legally married if he wants to, he'd be the perfect candidate to "pretty up" some age-faded Ambassador. ...That's why Hillary stays interesting. It's not because she says anything memorable -- like Condi, she is always relentlessly on message. But with Hillary there is always the memory of the back story: the marital journey, the furies of ambition, the demons of competition and payback that drive her on. (Plus there's the compelling fascination of Bill's prospective role reversal as a White House househusband.) That's right, why bother listening to what some woman in power has to say? The only thing that really matters trying to figure out how many skeletons she has in her closet, and you know that these gals have closets the size of a small house... Condi seems to have shed gender, shed race, shed the need for any visible emotional life. Her hobbies -- ice skating, chamber music -- are intellectually pristine and demurely glamorous. As national security adviser in the Church Lady White House, she was the Policy Nun. As secretary of state and queen of Foggy Bottom, she shows signs of becoming the Bushies' Emma Peel. We should all be eagerly awaiting the day when Condi steps out in a sexy catsuit, and short skirts, to tempt all of those male foreign dignitaries with her feminine wiles... That's why Condi is such a perfect star for the Eggshell Era. The world can't take its eyes off her walking the tightrope across Niagara Falls with a pile of books on her head. She can show a glimpse of slip but never slip. Yeah, maybe Tyra Banks can recruit Condi Rice for the next season of America's Next Top Model, because "Miss" J. Alexander could use a little help. And I won't get started on the crappy headline... "Hungry Media Fill Up on Rice" (WaPo)

What could possibly be scarier than Wolfie fronting the World Bank?

Maybe this. (Link via Whatevs)

The ideal houseplan for the growing family

If boarding school is out of your price range, here is an alternative to consider: When the French sketch out their dream homes, they tell architects to put as much distance as possible between their own bedrooms and those of their enfants, M Emer found. Their preference is for the two to be separated by a long corridor, a bathroom and a kitchen. Parents also tend to ask for a washing area in or near their bedroom so that they can avoid their offspring in the morning — at least until they have had a coffee — and limit arguments over the bathroom. The report — A la Decouverte de la Maison Relationnelle (Discovering the Relational House) — says: “The aim is . . . to regulate relations: to authorise meetings and exchanges: and limit nuisance, where the freedom of one member of the family is the hell of the other. This is particularly important at a time of divorces and remarriages. Ideally, these different universes should not bother each other.” So now we can all shed those old misconceptions of the French: His research points to a wholly new approach to hygiene in France, where the old stereotype of an unwashed nation is now at odds with reality. Most of the families he studied demanded two toilets, for example, and they often wanted a basin as well so that they could wash their hands. M Emer says that the bathroom, which used to be considered an irrelevance, is now one of the most important rooms in the house. The average couple spend £5,000 on it. Most families have showers and only one in ten possesses the accessory traditionally associated with the Gallic bathroom — the bidet. Sociologists say that it has been rendered unnecessary by daily showers. Yes, the bathroom-- that bastion of solitude-- is indeed the most important place in a house with children. "French Home Keeps Children Away" (London Times)

I think he's a little too late

"Don't Read the Da Vinci Code, Says Cardinal" (UK Guardian)

"I Robot": Sci Fi, or could it be real?

Why do ATMs talk to you, anyway? I thought the whole purpose for having automated teller machines was so that people could circumvent all of that wasteful talking. And as for nasty LCD messages... I guess everybody's got attitude these days. (Link via TMFTML)

50 won't be the only one who's offended

Greg Tate of Village Voice splits 50 Cent into 2 bits, while analyzing the relationship between Hip Hop and it's corporate backers: Now the whole project of Afro-diasporic culture may be the triumph of obsessive African stylin over oppressive European savagery, but gangsta rap likes to keep its savagery close and its savages even closer. The mad drama, the bored and restless demographic, and the trigger-happy entourages come together to form a chain of dividends that keep on giving after the beef has gone. Gangsta realness is the relationship between the artist, actual murder attempts, and ch-ching. It doesn't matter whether this week's Game-50 rivalry/truce was a publicity stunt; what matters is that Interscope, Viacom, and Hot 97 can't lose no matter who gets blasted or lays down their swords. Especially since, as Chuck D recently remarked, the same conglomerates that own the record companies and radio stations also own industrial-complex prisons and are now investing in cemeteries too. Maybe what's truly real is who has power of attorney over a dead nigga's investment portfolio. Or how only in coonshow-loving capitalist America could two ex-thugs who fought back death hustling for pennies on the street be ready to die for the pop charts. Corporate hiphop understood as a Blackmale suicide pact? Sheet, tell me something I don't know. The kicker though, is his thoughts on 50's personal style and image: Now I'd go a step further and say 50 more resembles a homo-thug dyke. Because generally speaking the girls flip the homo-thug look in public with more flair than their male counterparts. The wifebeater, the Tyrolean hat, the brown Popeye biceps, and the white silk pants? Yall all know yall more likely to see that girl strolling around Bed-Stuy dragging her supermodel than that guy so don't you even try and test me. Now this might all seem rather provocative until you check out The Massacre and 50 has homoerotic musings of his own, as in, "I read somewhere I'm homophobic/ Shit, go to the hood/There's mad n*gg*s on my dick." The Massacre is unlikely to decrease 50's bounty of swarming Y chromosome carriers. It is hands-down the most diabolically sensous collection of baby-making gangsta music since Pac's All Eyez. Like Pac, 50 is a ruffian who knows the value of a good pop hook; he embraces the hook, caresses the hook, is married to the hook. He also respects the ancient pop rule that if you get the women the men will come. Every lyric on The Massacre that's not about violating a nigga is about sexing pimping or mindfucking a babe—or, in the most notable instance, about 50's pique at being sexed pimped and mindfucked by Viveca. Hm... is 50 really co-opting lesbian chic?

The humor was mostly unintentional, I'm sure

I know that I could come up with several wicked puns for all of these, but I'll spare everyone:

• Things that don't belong in your mouth: It's no wonder that people are afraid of going to the dentist.
• And things that need to stay there: Carrying on with the "sticky substances in orifices" theme.
• Not only is this a terrible headline, but the subject of the story is just plain offensive.
• Another bad headline, in a story about "Baby-chick lit".
• A sadly funny story of a guy with an obsession that most of us are not brave enough to indulge in. (Link via Bookslut)

Seems that the cure is more annoying than the problem

Wesley A. Williams spent more than a year exacting his revenge against junk mailers. When signing up for a no-junk-mail list failed to stem the flow, he resorted to writing at the top of each unwanted item: "Not at this address. Return to sender." But the mail kept coming because the envelopes had "or current resident" on them, obligating mail carriers to deliver it, he said. Next, he began stuffing the mail back into the "business reply" envelope and sending it back so that the mailer would have to pay the postage. "That wasn't exacting a heavy enough cost from them for bothering me," said Mr. Williams, 35, a middle school science teacher who lives in Melrose, N.Y., near Albany. After checking with a postal clerk about the legality of stepping up his efforts, he began cutting up magazines, heavy bond paper, and small strips of sheet metal and stuffing them into the business reply envelopes that came with the junk packages. "You wouldn't believe how heavy I got some of these envelopes to weigh," said Mr. Williams, who added that he saw an immediate drop in the amount of arriving junk mail. A spokesman for the United States Postal Service, Gerald McKiernan, said that Mr. Williams's actions sounded legal, as long as the envelope was properly sealed. Sometimes, small acts of rebellion offer big doses of relief. Maybe I'm just lazy, but that is a lot of trouble to go through just to get your point across. "No Need to Stew: A Few Tips to Cope with Life's Annoyances" (NYT)

Thanks, but I'd rather keep the sucky job that I already have

The perfect way to get paid to lose your mind: "Assistant Innovation Manager, Work from home..."

Putting Hawthorne into practice

Oakland is willing to give some of its citizens a chance to gain 15 minutes of fame, while on the other side of the globe, Soweto is doing the same thing, only in a more shocking way. We've come a long way since the days of Hester Prynne.

But is it worth paying for?

NYT reports on the burgeoning debate regarding online periodicals charging viewers for their content. Many news organizations are losing print subscribers at an alarming rate, and most are now considering the idea of charging fees for the right to read news webpages. The only problem with this, though, is the prospect of losing readership altogether: Ken Sands, the online publisher [of the Spokesman Review in Spokane, WA], who until a month ago was the managing editor of the print edition, said the paper decided to charge for the Web in an effort to save the print edition. "We had the sense that a lot of people had canceled their print subscriptions because they could read the paper for free online," he said. He said that as soon as the paper started charging for the Web, in September, new daily traffic, which had been growing by more than 40 percent a year, stopped cold. He said that traffic was 5 percent lower this January than it was in January a year ago. He added that the print circulation had been steadily declining somewhat anyway, and so he could not blame the Web for that. "Print is going the way it's going, which is down, which is unfortunate because it's the revenue engine that keeps this whole thing going," he said. "The online business model won't ever be able to support the whole news infrastructure." Some papers, instead of charging for all of their online content, opt for setting fees for certain sections of their publication: The Los Angeles Times charges $4.95 a month for its Calendar Live section, which covers entertainment and provides listings and restaurant reviews, but traffic to the site has declined and a spokeswoman said the paper was reviewing the decision to charge for it. The Chicago Tribune offers a "subscriber advantage" program, which gives print subscribers free access to archives and bonuses online. "It's an interesting first step to see how people react in trying to differentiate between the two products," said Alison Scholly, general manager of Chicago Tribune Interactive. Despite implementing these strategies, among others, news websites are finding it difficult to determine the best way to salvage a constant stream of revenue while attempting to increase both circulation of their print editions, and the amount of traffic to their internet sites: The difficulty comes in determining what readers will pay for on the Web. Most executives agree that national news can be found in so many places that it would be self-defeating to try to charge for it. But they are finding that readers will pay for sports, if the Web offers more than the printed page. The Milwaukee Journal Sentinel provides in-depth coverage of the Green Bay Packers, along with blogs, fan photos and audio reports, in "Packer Insider" for $34.95 a year. But for the most part, publishers make money on Web sites by selling space to advertisers, and that is a booming business. Mr. Atwood at Borrell said a preliminary analysis of online revenues for about 700 daily newspaper Web sites showed an average increase of 45 percent from 2003 to 2004. Although web advertising is indeed lucrative, in most cases, it is not enough to support the all of the functions of most newspapers. While news organizations are still deciding whether to charge fees for content, most have moved to requiring free subscription, as a means to prepare marketing strategies for "prospective paying customers". One of the most poignant questions for newspapers is this: When people have so many options for gathering their news for free, will charging for web content ever really work? "Can Papers End the Free Ride Online?" (NYT)

Video killed the movie star... but not really

Why bother going to the movies anymore? When films turn around to DVD in 2 months, it seems such a waste of money to pay $10 (plus parking, in some cases) to see a film in the theater (with a bunch of ringing cell phones, roaming kids, etc.): These days the turnaround time from cineplex to DVD is 4 1/2 months, on average, with movies becoming available for rental and sale on the same day. A few recent films made the trip in fewer than 90 days. (Five years ago, the typical Hollywood flick didn't show up on home video for at least six months.) It's no secret that movie studios, which generally earn more money from home video than box office returns, are eager to capitalize on DVD dollars as soon as they can. Since it's obviously more lucrative for the film industry, why don't they just release films straight to DVD? With more and more people installing theater-type entertainment rooms in their homes, and purchasing large screen TVs, will there ever come a day when the cinema becomes extinct? Or, is there something that we just can't give up about going to the theater, some magical effect of the cinema experience?

And we wonder why the kids are confused these days

Some one at NYT must have a Dan Ratheresque sense of humor. Style Section articles-- on the same day-- include a story about a born-again Christian/abstinence activist who's written a book about sex, and an article on maternity wedding dresses... Will these pregnant brides opt for a bridal shower and baby shower combined? Or would that tamper with "tradition" too much?

Do we really have to go through this again?

Violence in film = $$$. Mel Gibson must be into math-- adding, that is.

Hooter's makes housecalls?

Well, not Hooter's... but it's close enough.

Rumors? Are they sure?

David Gest, Liberace, Clay Aiken, Ricky Martin, okay... but... Helen Hunt?

"Sucka Free" Radio

Mark Morford of SFgate provides a list of alternatives to the world of corporate radio: These are places to go and listen anew and dig deep into the raw bloody gorgeous musical universe and rediscover the joys of radio and realize it really doesn't, despite the howlings of the rigid neurons and the religious Right and the ass-clenched FCC, have to be all about preprogrammed DJs and bleeped f-words and endless goddamn repeats of Eric Clapton.

At opposite ends of the spectrum with Pop royalty

Return of the Fresh Prince (Will Smith and his quest to revisit his music career): "Staying Fresh" and "Pop Goes the King of Pop" (A pop quiz on the Michael Jackson trial)

And he had to move away to figure this out?

From his home in France, Robert Crumb complains about the general suckiness of the United States, and muses about English women, in a nonpolitical political rant: You'd have to ask Aline why we moved to France. It was her decision. I'm passive, and just went along with the whole thing. I'm in two minds about it. For one thing, I miss all those large-butted American women. French women are just too small and skinny. I know they are feminine and people think they are sexy but they don't do anything for me. Too elegant. In England, you just look at the women, and wow! England and Scotland, great-looking women. They stride down the street unself-consciously. You'd never catch a French woman doing that. My role as a commentator on that culture has also been changed by moving to France. I mean, I can't comment on French culture. I can't tell what the hell's going on here. Perhaps it's given me a little bit of an identity crisis. A "little bit of an identity crisis"? I think you have to posess an identity before you can suffer from an identity crisis.

The New Hackers

I guess a new term is coined everyday. "E-snooping", or reading someone else's email, seems to be quite popular, at least with self-absorbed, jealous girlfriends: Anne agreed: “It’s addictive. Once you start, you just can’t stop. You don’t say, ‘Oh, I bet there’s nothing good on the next page of e-mails.’ Of course there’s something good on the next page of e-mails.” Not surprisingly, e-mail snoopers wear themselves down. Knees bobbing anxiously, at first they search only for suspicious names, but at some point they’ll begin to compulsively read every banal little thing: orders from Amazon, forwards from friends, letters to and from Mom. No one will know. They’ll stay up all night staring at the computer, clicking on message after message, browsing page after page, and then skulk into bed feeling haunted and pukey and numb. Yet, for all the typical feelings of shame involved, reading another’s e-mail seems different from the traditional methods of disrespecting a loved one’s privacy. Diary-reading, for example, requires a ton of actual effort—mattresses must be lifted, closets rifled through, locks busted open. Once a password is obtained, however, a Hotmail account is conveniently and frequently accessed. And by it’s very on-screen, send-and-receive nature, e-mail doesn’t feel very private. E-snooping is therefore almost an offspring of Google stalking. Yahoo! mail and an Outlook inbox are easily seen as just one more Web site to scroll—one that’s a treasure trove of especially detailed information easily searched by date, time, sender, recipient and keyword. Here, the suspicious can search to their heart’s content for such phrases as “That poor bastard has no idea I’m screwing around on him,” or “You’re so much better in bed than he’ll ever be.” (Link via TMFTML)

Dr. Who all pimped out

Complete with a fresh coif, leather jacket, and a new accent, and the same cheesiness. (London Times)

"...Lest we forget..."

Dan Rather as Willy Loman? I actually enjoyed watching Dan's broadcasts. I grew up with Dan, and I grew to love his style. I could find something amusing about his newscast practically every evening, from his staccato 1940s radio announcer verbal style, to his uh, "witticisms". Dan's delivery of the news was so refreshingly different from the stiff-shirt dandy delivery (complete with faux-upper crust accent) of Peter Jennings, and the mush mouth warbling (which often left me wanting subtitles) of Tom Brokaw. Dan was different, but he seemed to convey an image of bare honesty and raw eagerness in each newscast, even if it induced chuckles. How can anyone say that they won't miss gems like these? "One's reminded of that old saying, 'Don't taunt the alligator until after you've crossed the creek.'" The election is "closer than Lassie and Timmy". Sen. John McCain (R-AZ), on being congratulated on victory by Rather: "Thanks Dan, I always believe you." Rather: "Now, ladies and gentleman, if you believe that, you'll believe rocks can grow." "He swept through the South like a tornado through a trailer park." "He's going to find that people will hang on him like a coat rack." "This race is hotter than a Times Square Rolex." "We've lived by the crystal ball and learned to eat so much broken glass tonight that we're in critical condition." "This race is tight like a too-small bathing suit on a too-long ride home from the beach." Sadly, I'll miss these moments of unintentional humor while watching the evening news. The only possible replacement for this might be Mr. Snarky himself, Brian Williams. I tend to think of him as Peter Jennings and Dan Rather rolled into one... it's not the same, but I guess it's as close as I'm going to get.

The ultimate way to sell out?

I don't know what could possibly come next after this rising trend. LA Times has an article on the new gimmick that marketers are using to reach a wider audience: Tatoos as ads. This would be more annoying than the regular product placement that we are subjected to on a daily basis. Forget television and radio spots, print ads and those pesky Internet pop-ups. The latest in advertising is right under — or in this case over — your nose. Meet the human billboard. Last month, Andrew Fischer, 20, of Omaha offered primo ad space on EBay — his forehead. The winner would design a temporary tattoo to be branded onto Fischer's brow for all to see for a month's time. "As I go around town doing my thing … your domain name will be plastered smack dab on my 'noggin," Fischer said in his EBay listing, dubbing himself "average Joe." The article goes on to inform us that market savvy advertisers are eager to find the next big thing in visualizing their product or ideas. What could be more attention-grabbing than an ad on the human body? The forehead is the most popular place for these ads because of its unavoidable visibility and oddness factor that demands attention. Other popular body parts: arms and hands, and the stomach of a pregnant woman. Tattoo advertising is just one part of a growing trend of placing ads everywhere, including the sanitation disk holders in urinals and the bottom of a hole on a golf course, said Jim Ellis, a dean at USC's Marshall School of Business. "It's kind of the ultimate ad — the human body," he said. But will this become a permanent way to spread more corporate messages across the landscape? Even with the success of some, USC's Ellis dismisses the tattoos as nothing more than a unique form of advertising trying to break through the mass of advertisements an individual sees daily — a gimmick that won't last with time. "In advertising, you get between 3,000 and 4,000 ads thrown at you in every single day, and ad agencies and advertisers will do whatever they can to get through," Ellis said. Fischer doesn't care whether this form of advertising is going to last or not. For him, it's about easy money and public recognition of a creative idea. "At the end of 30 days, I just get some rubbing alcohol and it's gone. I mean, it's not a huge risk," he said. "I've never been in the paper ever, and now I'm making the front page in Taiwan. As far as this goes, I'm willing to ride it." I suppose the next thing would be to pay people to memorize a spiel to spray at you in public places... I know that marketing companies have already figured out how strategically place actors in your favorite restaurant or other popular public locations in order to "talk up" or even just be seen with certain products. Or someone could actually try this.

The new topic du jour

Hip Hop and controversy go hand in hand, but these days, it seems that Hip Hop's controversy is all in the news. New beefs between artists, the sexist nature of many songs and videos, and now the mainstreaming of the genre are all being discussed. The LA Times explores the popularity of Hip Hop and how a once fledgling art form has virtually saturated the entertainment industry. Village Voice looks at the way that Hip Hop has caused a stir in the realm of corporate radio, and how the controversy affects add revenues. The article also discusses the growing backlash against the violence and exploitation that Hip Hop has become notorious for.

Queer as straight folk

It's the ultimate in irony that the most popular show on a network owned by Disney is mostly written by gay men... aren't the network executives worried about subliminal messages that could possibly be transmitted through lines in the script? Or are they still too shocked from Janet's Superbowl nip slip to realize the ramifications?

And we thought that scientists did boring work

Guardian UK reports on necrophiliac ducks. I'll refrain from dropping some really bad puns... a simple "WTF???" will suffice... (now that I think of it, isn't that a pun, anyway?). And to round out the sex coverage for the day, there is this quiz regarding sex on film.

The perfect drug for the hypochondriac

Gawker reports on a NYT article about the ad for a new psuedo-drug called "Progenitorivox", which has a catchy jingle that will probably soon be copied on some tv commercial. I especially like the disclaimer part at the end, where it says, "Insert joke here".

Did someone get a bonus for this idea?

Here is an obscenely strange idea... from some enterprising male mind, I'm sure. I bet even R. Kelly couldn't have dreamed this one up. I guess they're not figuring that any of the guys who'd call would be in need of any cosmetic help. (Link via Ms. Musings)

What comes next, the edible CD?

I thought that "Scent Stories" was some type of joke when I first heard about them... sounds like something that would immediately cause a sinus headache: One of the most curious (and heavily marketed) new entries in the field is called Scentstories by Febreze, a toaster-size device that looks like a cross between a CD player and an electronic foot massager. The Scentstories unit plugs into a wall outlet and "plays" scented disks. The disks contain packets of gel that are heated by the unit, thus releasing the fragrances, which are blown around by a small fan. The gimmick here is that the disk rotates around a carousel every 30 minutes, so the odor keeps changing. The interchangeable disks have odorific titles and "themes," such as "Wandering Barefoot on the Shore," which includes the selections, "Walking in the Sand," "Under the Palms" and "Splashing in the Waves." With stop and skip buttons, Scentstories functions much like a CD player. Except there's no music, just . . . smell. I'm still wondering... who'd want to sit around for hours sniffing manufactured scents? Maybe it's the new way to get high... or I'm sure some enterprising individual will create some way to corrupt this insanely useless gimmick.

What will Lindsay Lohan do?

What? No more cleavage? What is the world coming to... women want to be modest now? What planet was I on when this was decided? They can't really mean that we will no longer be witness to those oh-so-perfectly-timed nip slips, can they?

A good example of why one should never sleep through English class

My laugh of the day (so far). I am really hoping no one manages to mistake this for clever poetic craft... it's so bad that it's cringeworthy.

You can find the funniest things on the "Internets"...

Handy advice from My Blog is Poop. (Apologies for the pun).

The Martha Stewart "money shot"

Dan Abrams' (America's favorite cheesy low-rent lawyer turned journalist for MSNBC) coverage of the Martha Stewart prison release has been rather comical. Dan, more than once, committed the sacrilege of uttering the words "money shot" and "Martha Stewart" in the same sentence... I guess after he said that, he knew that this broadcast might become fodder for an SNL spoof, because, as I predicted, they actually missed the moment of truth, as Martha's motorcade quickly drove past the gaggle of press. They missed actually seeing Martha's exit from the prison campus, but one thing that Dan did notice: that each car in the motorcade ran the stop sign that was positioned right outside the gates.

Fun with Photoshop

"Mate a Movie 9" (link via Defamer)

Reality Check with Mark Fiore

"Again Again". and "Nuclear Fashions for Spring".

Introducing Doc Brown, an emerging voice in British Hip Hop

Meet Ben Smith, also known as "Doc Brown", who's trying to break out of the "British Hip Hop" trenches with his first album, The Document. Zadie interviews him for the Guardian UK, and they discuss his childhood influences, the differences between American Hip Hop and British Hip Hop, and the difficult time that British artists have being taken seriously in the competitive world of Rap and Hip Hop. ZS: Your album is quite scrupulous about trying to avoid American terminology - it tries to translate everything into a Britishness. I was listening to a British hip-hop station two nights ago, when I lost Radio 4 for a moment, and there were some amazing tunes on it, but a great deal of it was people talking about getting the "greens" [dollars] in these cockney accents. And you thought what the fuck is going on with these kids? I mean, what greens? So I like to hear hip-hop that has some relation to where it's from. BS: That's why Wiley and Dizzee [Rascal], all these artists that are getting a bit of exposure now, they're representing the lifestyle that we recognise - London and how people talk... ZS: What do you hope for British rap? What do you think's going to happen to it? All the people who've been really popular, like Mike Skinner and Dizzee, are not really rappers in the classic sense. BS: I think the more people who come up with a dominant definite voice that says, "This is me, I am British and this is my music," it reflects back on all of us. But there's a lot of amateurish music within the British hip-hop scene and I think there's a lot of people who need to get a bit more professional. ZS: They should stop talking about the greens and talk about pound notes a bit more. In another part of the album you talk about being mixed race and having a white girlfriend and how all these things play on the rap scene, and I was quite surprised to hear you talk about those things. I didn't know that was still going on so much. BS: I hear it all the time. And I have to stress that what I'm talking about is not just within the underground culture that I've been involved in for the past seven or eight years. It's about life, it's about general observation. It's about things I've seen or things I've sensed. Although a lot about the British Rap scene appears to be different from its American counterpart, some things, Ben observes, are the same: BS: People have already described me as a conscious rapper. It's what people used to describe the dude who sang "save the world". I've never been into that. I've always thought if you want to be conscious then do something with your everyday life. I know so many rappers who make a song about saving the world and during the day all they do is sit around and smoke weed. So people call me a conscious rapper, but I think it's only 'cos I don't rap about the street. But I'd rather be called a conscious rapper than a gangsta rapper. ZS: You've only got those two choices. BS: To the media that's how it is. You're either De La Soul or you're NWA. Or nowadays you're either Kanye or you're 50 Cent. The fact that Hip Hop has been narrowed down to two "categories" is telling. If British Hip Hop gains an audience here across the pond, maybe it will help broaden the scope of the music, and allow us to see that there is a variety of different styles to be enjoyed.

Oh, no! Please... no!

Okay, hopefully Jamie Foxx won't get the same idea : Kanye West Offered 'Playgirl' Cover When Kanye West wrote "All Falls Down," we're pretty sure he wasn't talking about his drawers. But the man who walks with Jesus has reportedly been offered some loot in exchange for getting naked in Playgirl magazine, according to Launch. A week ago, West told the New York Daily News that he was considering charging magazines to put his visage on their covers, and apparently the ladies' favorite softcore porn mag wants to pony up the Benjamins. We'll let you know if the College Dropout decides to drop his shorts. (Vibe Magazine) I hope that Kanye knows that Playgirl's chief subscribers are gay men... not that that matters...

Taking "Just Do It" to an illogical extreme

Really, I think the people at Us Weekly just ignore what goes on around them in the larger world, and publish whatever catches their whim... either that, or they operate in some alternate universe that forces them to print the opposite of whatever is deemed appropriate at the time. And speaking of illogical... why is Kirstie Alley saying one thing and doing another? This must be the year of the mixed message. And don't get me wrong, I'm all for her losing weight and trying to live a healthier life, but she's making money off of this "fat" gimmick... telling us that we just need to get "used to it"... but, how can a spokeswoman for Jenny Craig say in one breath that weight doesn't matter, but in the next that she wants to slim down?

Best show ever?

I'll have to remember to catch this one tonight. The Daily Show will guest none other than, Mr. Pinata! Surely a must see. (Link via Gawker)

Looks like The Game ended before it really began

When I read this album review in the Village Voice, I immediately thought that I should prepare myself for the barrage of hype and accolades from the G-Unit machine. Little did I know that the tide would turn so swiftly. How fickle fate can be...

Is Clear Channel facing a murky future?

Mark Morford reports in SFgate about the death of radio, and the birth of multiple alternatives to the 10-minute loop of today's soulless corporate radio stations. While outlining all of the avenues that we now have available to us to enjoy music, he laments the glory days of the independent radio station, the dynamic DJs, and the variety of musical choices that we used to have: But the sad news is, we are now way past radio's Golden Age, that time way back when before the Internet and before iPods and before you could find out every godforsaken detail you ever wanted to know about any band on the planet with the click of a mouse, a time when DJs were the true music authorities and actually seemed to know fantastic and curious and insider details about the art of noise, and they were rapturous and sexy and interesting and didn't have to be de facto obnoxious and didn't insist on telling really awful jokes and you could actually discover incredible new music by listening to their various antiestablishment noncorporate shows and feel something akin to community and connection and a true sense of your own identity.

Big Brother in your TV

The SF Bay Guardian reports on new legislation to limit what you can record on HD (high definition) television. It echoes the fight over internet music downloading, in that a few Hollywood interests have partnered with the FCC in order to place controls over what you will be able to record, and what you'll be able to do with the media after you've recorded it. ... July 1, it will be illegal for anyone in the United States to manufacture a device that records high-definition television unless it's built to obey a special signal – the flag – emitted by stations broadcasting HD shows. The flag will tell PVRs and other equipment whether they're allowed to copy a show onto some other medium, like a DVD. In short, broadcasters and content owners will actually be able to control your recording habits. Let's say, for example, that it's a couple of years from now, and your TiVo (bought anytime after July 1 of this year) has recorded the excellent Marx brothers movie Animal Crackers, which was just broadcast on TNT in HD. Tomorrow you're getting on a plane to Australia, and you'd like to save a copy on DVD to watch on your computer during the 15-hour flight. You're entitled to make a personal copy under federal copyright law, so it should be no problem. And in fact, it was no problem back in the days of analog broadcasts and VCRs. But with the Broadcast Flag in place, TNT can send out a signal that tells your TiVo not to make HD copies of Animal Crackers. So when you burn that DVD and put it into your computer somewhere over the Pacific, you get a bunch of garbage. The FCC has just stolen your rights. Think of it this way: if the Broadcast Flag applied to VCRs, it would, in effect, allow you to tape shows but not necessarily take the tape out of the VCR. And you'd likely be forced to erase your show in order to tape the next thing. That's a scary thought, having Big Brother right there at the end of your remote control, or embedded into your TiVo or your DVR. And technology regulation seems to be the way that the government is moving, with the help of entertainment industry lobbyists, in order to make sure that their profits are not wittled away by people continuously file-sharing and distributing free copies to their friends and family. Is the entertainment industry overreacting? How can a few instances of illegal downloading, file sharing, or legal distribution of personal copies of movies and television programs be that harmful to the industry? The Broadcast Flag will create a cartel similar to the CCA, only this time the government will be directly involved. Instead of the CCA launching a civil suit against somebody for making a noncompliant device, under the Broadcast Flag the government will be able to fine that person or stop him or her from selling the product. This will allow big media companies like MGM, Sony, and Paramount to get what they want – total control of how you watch television – without having to get their hands dirty. All of this regulation will obviously curb some illegal distribution and piracy, but who will it really effect the most, in the long run? Dale Kiefling, another Build-In participant, is almost ready to channel surf on his box too. He and his friend Lorena Fleming say they're excited to play around with TV the way they do with their computers. "I think the Broadcast Flag punishes the wrong group," Kiefling says. "The people who do mass piracy will always have the means to – the flag won't stop them. Meanwhile, the rest of us are stuck with broken entertainment systems." All the people who now take for granted the act of removing a tape from their VCR – the Star Trek fans, the OC addicts, the Marx brothers aficionados – will gradually discover they can't do the same thing with their new PVRs. Copyright law permits consumers to make personal, fair-use copies of their media. And yet the government-entertainment industrial complex will have engineered every device to stop them. "That's the worst part of all this," Fleming says. "People won't realize how bad it is until suddenly their stuff stops working."

Finally.

It's about time.

Million dollar mistake?

I saw a report on the news this evening about a new trend called "house flipping", where people purchase a fixer-upper house, do all of the rehab work/renovations themselves, and then sell it, to make a profit. Now, I know that this type of thing is not new, but the odd thing is that it's becoming popular for a lot of people. People are quitting their day jobs (lawyers, doctors, and other professionals) to spend all of their time doing construction and DIY... makes you wonder what you're really paying for when you buy something... House flipping is obviously lucrative these days; in this area (SF Bay), even a fixer upper, before any work has been done to it, can sell upwards of $700,000. And it's really getting crazy, because the larger fixer uppers are now selling for close to $1,000,000. It's all reminiscent of the dot com boom, five or six years ago; it really feels surreal right now, rather like a putting a blood pressure cuff on your arm and squeezing it tighter... you know there will come a point where you'll have to relieve the pressure. We just seem to be waiting for the big bust.

Are money, ho's and clothes all Hip Hop knows?

Essence is doing a series, "Take Back the Music" , on the pervasiveness of sexual images and misogyny in Hip Hop and Rap these days, and how people are responding to it. The series touches on several different aspects of this issue, from the dancers/actresses in music videos, and the artists themselves, to the fans (mostly teenagers) who are buying the music, and most likely buying into the hype. The respondents in the series have some intriguing perspectives, and the people include a die-hard 16 year-old Hip Hop fan. Danyel Smith, former Editor-in-Chief of Vibe Magazine, Nelly, Jill Scott, and "Tawny", an actress who got her start dancing in Hip Hop videos also weigh in on the debate. While there is a lot of talk of perpetuating negative stereotypes, one thing I noticed was how some people in the industry manage to turn a blind eye to what is going on, or they are willing to openly engage in it or support it, until they have a change of lifestyle (such as starting a family) or a change of career: "I have a 7-year-old daughter, and she can’t listen to my music. She can’t listen to it in the car, not in the room, and she can’t watch videos. Right now she loves Usher. His music is good, but the lyrics are a bit much for her—especially once she starts to understand what he’s saying about adult relationships. So I went and bought her the Hip-Hop Bears CD, and we listened to it together, and she loves it. I gave Usher’s CD to her mother." Jay "Icepick" Jackson, Sen. VP of A&R, Ruff Ryders Records He almost makes it sound as if he's doing something illegal. I mean, if even he thinks it's that bad, maybe he should rethink his career choices, or at least some of the music that he is creating and marketing. Another enlightening response, from former E.I.C. of Vibe: Now that I’m not editor-in-chief of a magazine or a full-time music journalist, I’m more of an average viewer of videos. I used to watch with a business mind-set. How much money did they take to make this? Who is the director? Is it going to help sell the album? Now I think, Do I like this? Is it fun for me? Of course everyone knows that sex sells, and that there is this perpetual cycle that we're swept up in. If sex sells, then that's what will be marketed to us; and since the marketing has been successful, then we will be inundated with it. There is a growing outcry against all of the sexual images in Hip Hop, but people are still buying it, for themselves, and their kids... it's like the porn debate (which actually is in direct relation); while there is a movement to stop pornography and to censor anything that is sexually explicit, the porn industry is now a multi-billion dollar money maker-- more lucrative than anything that Hollywood can put into the general audience theaters... And since America is all about money... and young people (as a group) spend more than anyone else... I don't see this trend ending anytime soon.

Aren't we jumping the gun, here?

Village Voice reports (first item) on brand spanking new Secretary of State Condi Rice's "Fan Club", and the burgeoning movement to install her as the new resident of the White House in 2008... and I thought that those people wearing the Barack Obama pins were a little off... Geez, give them a chance to do this job right. Condi probably hasn't even received her supply of letterhead paper just yet, and I'll bet that Obama hasn't learned his way to the men's room.

"Mr. Pinata" writes a book

Ari Fleischer, former Press Secretary for Dubya, has written a "tell nothing" book (of course it's not going to be a "tell all", because witholding information was Ari's forte). I actually miss watching his press briefings (and reading the transcripts), because Ari had a gift for dropping snark on the White House Press Corps. Scott McClellan, by comparison, is too stiff and dull. Ari Fleischer had a knack for refusing to answer the most obvious questions with wit and a high level of smarminess. Here is a bit from a briefing from way, way back, (Jan. 14, 2003), when the Iraq war was just what a lot of us thought was a stupid idea (and not something that would ever actually occur): QUESTION: Ari, another question on the timing. How can there not be a timetable? How can time be running out if there's not a timetable? I don't get it. MR. FLEISCHER: Because as you repeatedly asked me in the past, what exactly is the timetable? And I've said in the past, that's something Saddam Hussein will have to figure out. QUESTION: Right, but now you say that time is running out. MR. FLEISCHER: That's correct. QUESTION: There's no timetable, but time is running out. MR. FLEISCHER: I said there's no timetable for how long the inspectors have to be in their jobs with a specific date. Yesterday the questions were about 12-month specifics. And I said, I have not heard a specific timetable from the President, which is exactly how I said it yesterday. And I don't think it's -- I think it's perfectly consistent to say that while there's not a specific timetable, the President has made clear that time is running out. You're asking for a date, a month, a number of months, how much time, and that's an undefined matter. The President has simply said that time is running out.

***

QUESTION: Do you think these polls out today that show that the President's personal approval rating has dropped into the 50s, and the disapproval --

MR. FLEISCHER: Did you say, polls, plural?

QUESTION: I said, poll.

MR. FLEISCHER: Plural?

QUESTION: Poll.

MR. FLEISCHER: There you go.

QUESTION: But all I wanted to know is, does this tell us anything about the way in which the White House is communicating convinced the American people of the case against Iraq? Is this something that's of any concern to you?

MR. FLEISCHER: No, I hardly think that at all. I think, frankly, that there are a number of news organizations, well represented in this room, who have shown the President to be at such a consistent high popularity level that you've stopped even reporting those facts to your readers or viewers. Actually, viewers. And so there's all kinds of numbers of polls out there.

Here is another sample of Mr. Pinata's dodging of the Press Corps' questions, with his trademark snark (from January, 24, 2003):

QUESTION: Who in this country, beside the President and his courtiers, want to go to war with Iraq?

MR. FLEISCHER: I'm not aware of anybody here who wants to go to war with Iraq, Helen. But the President very much wants to protect the peace by making sure that Saddam Hussein cannot engage in war against us.

QUESTION: He's aware that there is widespread opposition to war in this country?

MR. FLEISCHER: Do you think that the majority of the Americans are opposed to war with Iraq, Helen?

QUESTION: I think so. What do you think?

MR. FLEISCHER: I think if you take a look at all the public surveys on this issue, there's a lot of Americans who believe that Saddam Hussein does, indeed, pose a threat. And they believe --

QUESTION: They'll give their brothers, their husbands, their children?

MR. FLEISCHER: -- and they believe that if the President, knowing what he knows, makes the determination that the best way to protect the American people from the risks that we have seen our nation is vulnerable to --

QUESTION: So he believes people want to go to war?

MR. FLEISCHER: -- is to disarm Saddam Hussein from having weapons of mass destruction, the President will make a case --

QUESTION: We have weapons of mass destruction. Eight other countries have them.

MR. FLEISCHER: And how many resolutions has the United Nations passed urging us to not have the weapons that we have that have successfully kept the peace for 50 years?

QUESTION: How many other nations have defied U.N. resolutions and gotten away with it?

MR. FLEISCHER: None like Saddam Hussein on a measure that has been this unequivocal, where the world has called on him --

QUESTION: I could give you chapter and verse otherwise.

MR. FLEISCHER: I'm aware that you try to.

Hm... Ari reportedly says, in his book that he often felt like a pinata during the press briefings... I'm sure this particular pinata wasn't filled with candy.

(Link via Bookslut)